@@ -109,7 +109,7 @@ You patch a bug, and dump it again:
%
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a
"Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
-- Mahatma Gh andi
-- Mahatma Gandh i
%
A [golf] ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree.
Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific
@@ -191,7 +191,7 @@ A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
%
A CONS is an object which cares.
-- Bernie Greenberg.
-- Bernie Greenberg
%
A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it
is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
@@ -550,7 +550,7 @@ ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
%
A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!
-- Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
-- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
%
A priest asked: What is Fate, Master?
@@ -583,7 +583,7 @@ A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
%
A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis
of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite
series of incomprehensiv e answers calculated with micrometric
series of incomprehensibl e answers calculated with micrometric
precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures taken from
inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical
accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality
@@ -1071,7 +1071,7 @@ every organism to live beyond its income.
-- Samuel Butler, "Notebooks"
%
All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
-- E. Rutherford
-- Ernest Rutherford
%
All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right
hands.
@@ -1610,7 +1610,7 @@ imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long?
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
%
Art is anything you can get away with.
-- Marshall McLuhan.
-- Marshall McLuhan
%
Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
-- Paul Gauguin
@@ -2008,7 +2008,7 @@ both Parliament and Party.
It stands today, a monument to human spirit. If life exists on other
planets, this may be the first message received from us.
-- The Realist, November, 1964.
-- The Realist, November, 1964
%
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
tried it.
@@ -2132,7 +2132,7 @@ when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.
-- James Thurber
%
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
-- Kin Hubbard
-- Kim Hubbard
%
Brace yourselves. We're about to try something that borders on the
unique: an actually rather serious technical book which is not only
@@ -2772,7 +2772,7 @@ Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more
than the estimate the job will cost.
%
Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-- LaRou chefoucauld
-- La Rochefoucauld
%
Concept, n.:
Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than
@@ -2792,7 +2792,7 @@ Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
%
Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that
would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that
you undoubtab ly will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer
you undoubted ly will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer
maneuver. Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS
OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE. YOU ALREADY
UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED
@@ -3027,7 +3027,7 @@ blessed.
default, n.:
[Possibly from Black English "De fault wid dis system is you,
mon."] The vain attempt to avoid errors by inactivity. "Nothing will
come of nothing: speak again." -- King Lear.
come of nothing: speak again." -- King Lear
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
%
#define BITCOUNT(x) (((BX_(x)+(BX_(x)>>4)) & 0x0F0F0F0F) % 255)
@@ -3451,7 +3451,7 @@ the plastic underneath -- black. According to the instructions, this
means the puzzle is solved.
-- Steve Rubenstein
%
Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
%
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may work.
%
@@ -3641,7 +3641,7 @@ spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the
genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way
of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is
humanity hanging on a cross of iron.
-- Dwight Eisenhower, April 16, 1953
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower, April 16, 1953
%
Every Horse has an Infinite Number of Legs (proof by intimidation):
@@ -4155,7 +4155,7 @@ For years a secret shame destroyed my peace --
I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.
But now I think a thought that brings me hope:
Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.
-- Justin Richardson.
-- Justin Richardson
%
For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
%
@@ -4287,7 +4287,7 @@ A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify
Q: Did he kill you?
A: No.
%
fortune: cpu time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
%
Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai
sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.
@@ -4471,8 +4471,7 @@ think not, my friend, I think not.
extracurricular activity except you."
"Well, gee, doesn't Louise count?"
"Only to ten, Mudhead."
-- Firesign Theater
-- The Firesign Theatre
%
Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
%
@@ -4752,7 +4751,7 @@ Goldenstern's Rules:
%
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad
example.
-- La Rou chefoucauld
-- La Rochefoucauld
%
Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
%
@@ -4780,7 +4779,7 @@ well.
%
Gosh that takes me back... or is it forward? That's the trouble with
time travel, you never can tell.
-- Doctor Who "Androids of Tara"
-- Doctor Who, "Androids of Tara"
%
Got Mole problems?
Call Avogadro 6.02 x 10^23
@@ -5553,7 +5552,7 @@ I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger.
-- Gloria Steinem
%
I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party.
-- Dennis Ritchie
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
%
I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it.
-- English Professor
@@ -5615,7 +5614,7 @@ I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
I can remember when a good politician had to be 75 percent ability and
25 percent actor, but I can well see the day when the reverse could be
true.
-- Harry Truman
-- Harry S. Truman
%
I can resist anything but temptation.
%
@@ -5820,7 +5819,7 @@ I found out why my car was humming. It had forgotten the words.
%
I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very
reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.
-- Go tama Buddha
-- Gau tama Buddha
%
I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *__________
minutes of my life!
@@ -5889,7 +5888,7 @@ have never met you, but if I do you'll need a new nose and plenty of
beefsteak and perhaps a supporter below. Westbrook Pegler, a
guttersnipe, is a gentleman compared to you. You can take that as more
of an insult than as a reflection on your ancestry.
-- President Harry S Truman
-- President Harry S. Truman
%
I have learned
To spell hors d'oeuvres
@@ -6446,7 +6445,7 @@ And from that full meridian of my glory
I haste now to my setting. I shall fall,
Like a bright exhalation in the evening
And no man see me more.
-- Shakespeare
-- William Shakespeare
%
IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
@@ -6700,7 +6699,7 @@ Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
-- Thomas De Quincey (1785 - 1859)
%
If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
-- A. Einstein.
-- Albert Einstein
%
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit
in my name at a Swiss bank.
@@ -6816,7 +6815,7 @@ If you can't be careful, give me a call.
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
%
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
-- Harry S Truman
-- Harry S. Truman
%
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
%
@@ -7465,7 +7464,7 @@ Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending
destruction of the of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to
alert mankind to the danger; but most of their communications were
misinterpreted ...
-- Douglas Adams "The Hitch-H ikers ' Guide T o T he Galaxy"
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchh iker's Guide t o t he Galaxy"
%
It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
@@ -8259,7 +8258,7 @@ weren't for other people.
Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
%
Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
-- Marvin, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
-- Marvin, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%
Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made
sense from things she found in gift shops.
@@ -8631,7 +8630,7 @@ Men were real men, women were real women, and small, furry creatures
from Alpha Centauri were REAL small, furry creatures from Alpha
Centauri. Spirits were brave, men boldly split infinitives that no man
had split before. Thus was the Empire forged.
-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", Douglas Adams
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%
Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and
it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin
@@ -9239,13 +9238,13 @@ Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules:
The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of
the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
%
Nirvana? Thats the place where the powers that be and their friends
Nirvana? That' s the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
%
No animal should ever jump on the dining room furniture unless
absolutely certain he can hold his own in conversation.
-- Fran Lebowitz
-- Fran Lei bowitz
%
No committee could ever come up with anything as revolutionary as a
camel -- anything as practical and as perfectly designed to perform
@@ -9361,7 +9360,7 @@ chipped at it a bit, and everything was just fine ...
-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
%
Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none.
-- Shakespeare
-- William Shakespeare
%
Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper
is from the wrong kind of tree.
@@ -9666,10 +9665,10 @@ each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his
choice.
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians
called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka"
called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukkah "
and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People
passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy
Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!"
Hanukkah !" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!"
-- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"
%
Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict,
@@ -10344,7 +10343,7 @@ laughter, singing
That's the way the chimney smokes
Pope Goestheveezl
The square was finally cleared by armed carabineri with tears of
The square was finally cleared by armed carabini eri with tears of
laughter streaming down their faces. The event set a record for
hilarious civic functions, smashing the previous record set when Baron
Hans Neizant B"
@@ -10566,10 +10565,10 @@ Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
%
Q: How many IBM cpu' s does it take to do a logical right shift?
Q: How many IBM CPU s does it take to do a logical right shift?
A: 33. 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
%
Q: How many IBM CPU' s does it take to execute a job?
Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to execute a job?
A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
%
Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
@@ -11140,7 +11139,7 @@ pencil.
Science is facts; just as houses are made of stones, so is science made
of facts; but a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts
is not necessarily science.
-- Henri Poincai r'
-- Henri Poincar'
%
Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
%
@@ -11269,7 +11268,7 @@ Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
-- Swami X
%
Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.
-- M. C. Reed.
-- M. C. Reed
%
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go,
it's one of the best.
@@ -11588,7 +11587,7 @@ Sorry. I forget what I was going to say.
Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-
bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the
road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.
-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%
Spare no expense to save money on this one.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
@@ -11809,7 +11808,7 @@ Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels
start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and
then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the
music at top volume and at least a pint of ether.
-- H.S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"
-- H. S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"
%
T: One big monster, he called TROLL.
He don't rock, and he don't roll;
@@ -12430,7 +12429,7 @@ down anything he damn well pleases.
%
The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all
who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature.
-- Benjamin Franklin.
-- Benjamin Franklin
%
The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog:
The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in
@@ -12573,7 +12572,7 @@ The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all
men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the
universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we
presently imagine we own.
-- H.G. Wells
-- H. G. Wells
%
THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #10: SIMPLE
@@ -12636,7 +12635,7 @@ who end up using this language.
THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #2: RENE
Named after the famous French philosopher and mathematician Rene
DesC artes, RENE is a language used for artificial intelligence. The
Desc artes, RENE is a language used for artificial intelligence. The
language is being developed at the Chicago Center of Machine Politics
and Programming under a grant from the Jane Byrne Victory Fund. A
spokesman described the language as "Just as great as dis [sic] city of
@@ -12715,7 +12714,7 @@ one has ever been.
%
The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that
will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-- Mark Twain.
-- Mark Twain
%
The marvels of today's modern technology include the development of a
soda can, when discarded will last forever ... and a $7,000 car which
@@ -12831,7 +12830,7 @@ The New York Times is read by the people who run the country. The
Washington Post is read by the people who think they run the country.
The National Enquirer is read by the people who think Elvis is alive
and running the country ...
-- Robert J Woodhead
-- Robert J. Woodhead
%
The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to
choose from.
@@ -12913,7 +12912,7 @@ The opossum is a very sophisticated animal. It doesn't even get up
until 5 or 6 p.m.
%
The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
-- Bohr
-- Niels Bohr
%
The optimum committee has no members.
-- Norman Augustine
@@ -13056,7 +13055,7 @@ the insurance before running off to Germany where it lives in hiding.
"The pyramid is opening!"
"Which one?"
"The one with the ever-widening hole in it!"
-- Firesign Theate r, "How Can You Be In Two Places At
-- The Firesign Theatre , "How Can You Be In Two Places At
Once When You're Not Anywhere At All"
%
The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's:
@@ -13325,7 +13324,7 @@ The Third Law: You can only break even at absolute zero.
%
The trouble with a kitten is that
When it grows up, it's always a cat
-- Ogden Nash.
-- Ogden Nash
%
The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
%
@@ -13639,7 +13638,7 @@ inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitch H iker's Guide to the Galaxy"
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchh iker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%
There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
@@ -13943,7 +13942,7 @@ This is your fortune.
This land is full of trousers!
this land is full of mausers!
And pussycats to eat them when the sun goes down!
-- Firesign Theate r
-- The Firesign Theatre
%
This land is made of mountains,
This land is made of mud,
@@ -13986,7 +13985,7 @@ student newspaper, of Tuesday, 3/10/87.
which identifies errors in the original program.
%
This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.
-- Hofstadter
-- Douglas Hofstadter
%
... This striving for excellence extends into people's personal lives
as well. When '80s people buy something, they buy the best one, as
@@ -14436,7 +14435,7 @@ unix soit qui mal y pense
%
UNIX was half a billion (500000000) seconds old on
Tue Nov 5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch).
-- Andy Tann enbaum
-- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
%
Unnamed Law:
If it happens, it must be possible.
@@ -14622,7 +14621,7 @@ We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
%
We are upping our standards ... so up yours.
-- Pat Paulsen for President, 1988.
-- Pat Paulsen for President, 1988
%
We can defeat gravity. The problem is the paperwork involved.
%
@@ -14779,7 +14778,7 @@ Weiner's Law of Libraries:
%
Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if
you run out of food.
-- Dean McLaughlin.
-- Dean McLaughlin
%
Well, here it is, 1983, so it won't be long before you start reading a
lot of boring stories about people like Vance Hartke. Hartke is a
@@ -14830,7 +14829,7 @@ coefficient of relevance to Key of Time: zero."
"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is
no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five
hundred."
-- The Mahabharata.
-- The Mahabharata
%
Westheimer's Discovery:
A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
@@ -14868,7 +14867,7 @@ What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
What George Washington did for us was to throw out the British, so
that we wouldn't have a fat, insensitive government running our
country. Nice try anyway, George.
-- D.J. on KSFO/KYA
-- D. J. on KSFO/KYA
%
What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the
entrance?
@@ -15193,7 +15192,7 @@ When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
%
When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.
-- Harry Truman
-- Harry S. Truman
%
When you have shot and killed a man you have in some measure
clarified your attitude toward him. You have given a definite answer
@@ -15410,7 +15409,7 @@ Why You Can't Run When There's Trouble in the Office:
No matter where you stand, no matter how far or fast you flee,
when it hits the fan, as much as possible will be propelled in your
direction, and almost none will be returned to the source.
-- John L. Shelton
-- John L. Shelton
%
Wiker's Law:
Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
@@ -15452,7 +15451,7 @@ try to be a fraud and a half.
-- Otto von Bismark
%
With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%
With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once
build a nuclear balm?
@@ -15877,7 +15876,7 @@ deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me
when I was young!"
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen!"
-- Douglas Adams, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%
You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
%
@@ -15929,7 +15928,7 @@ You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
%
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could
know how seldom they do.
-- Olin Miller.
-- Olin Miller
%
You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially
if they are dead.
joey