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* New upstream release.
- Fix backgammon scoring bug related to peices on the bar and gammons.
Closes: #185101
- Fix backgammon tutorial text. Closes: #212478
- Advertising clause is gone from most, but not all licenses.
- Apparently better fix for boggle man page.
- Incorporates nearly all changes in Debian diff.
git-svn-id: file:///srv/svn/joey/trunk/src/packages/bsdgames@9782 a4a2c43b-8ac3-0310-8836-e0e880c912e2
This commit is contained in:
joey
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
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# $NetBSD: Makefile,v 1.33 2002/10/22 16:14:04 drochner Exp $
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# $NetBSD: Makefile,v 1.36 2003/10/21 10:01:19 lukem Exp $
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# @(#)Makefile 8.2 (Berkeley) 4/19/94
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.include <bsd.own.mk> # for INSTALL_OFFENSIVE_FORTUNES
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@@ -37,6 +37,7 @@ realall: ${DATFILES}
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# Normal fortunes: build directly from data files.
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fortunes.dat fortunes2.dat startrek.dat zippy.dat limerick.dat netbsd.dat farber.dat:
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${_MKTARGET_CREATE}
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${STRFILE} -rs ${.CURDIR}/${.TARGET:R} ${.TARGET}
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fortunes.dat: fortunes
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fortunes2.dat: fortunes2
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@@ -49,28 +50,38 @@ farber.dat: farber
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# Obscene fortunes: we have to build source and data files
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fortunes-o: fortunes-o.${TYPE}
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${_MKTARGET_CREATE}
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tr 'a-zA-Z' 'n-za-mN-ZA-M' < ${.ALLSRC} > ${.TARGET}
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fortunes-o.dat: fortunes-o
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${_MKTARGET_CREATE}
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${STRFILE} -rsx ${.ALLSRC} ${.TARGET}
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fortunes2-o: fortunes2-o.${TYPE}
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${_MKTARGET_CREATE}
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tr 'a-zA-Z' 'n-za-mN-ZA-M' < ${.ALLSRC} > ${.TARGET}
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fortunes2-o.dat: fortunes2-o
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${_MKTARGET_CREATE}
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${STRFILE} -rsx ${.ALLSRC} ${.TARGET}
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limerick-o: limerick-o.${TYPE}
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${_MKTARGET_CREATE}
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tr 'a-zA-Z' 'n-za-mN-ZA-M' < ${.ALLSRC} > ${.TARGET}
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limerick-o.dat: limerick-o
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${_MKTARGET_CREATE}
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${STRFILE} -rsx ${.ALLSRC} ${.TARGET}
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unamerican-o: unamerican-o.${TYPE}
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${_MKTARGET_CREATE}
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tr 'a-zA-Z' 'n-za-mN-ZA-M' < ${.ALLSRC} > ${.TARGET}
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unamerican-o.dat: unamerican-o
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${_MKTARGET_CREATE}
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${STRFILE} -rsx ${.ALLSRC} ${.TARGET}
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netbsd-o: netbsd-o.${TYPE}
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${_MKTARGET_CREATE}
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tr 'a-zA-Z' 'n-za-mN-ZA-M' < ${.ALLSRC} > ${.TARGET}
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netbsd-o.dat: netbsd-o
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${_MKTARGET_CREATE}
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${STRFILE} -rsx ${.ALLSRC} ${.TARGET}
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@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
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# Makefrag - makefile fragment for fortune/datfiles
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#
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# Copyright (c) 1997, 1998, 1999 Joseph Samuel Myers.
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# Copyright (c) 1997, 1998, 1999, 2001, 2003 Joseph Samuel Myers.
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# All rights reserved.
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#
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# Redistribution and use in source and binary forms, with or without
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@@ -47,7 +47,7 @@ fortune_datfiles_SRCFILESp := fortune/datfiles/farber \
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fortune/datfiles/zippy
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fortune_datfiles_CLEANFILES := $(fortune_datfiles_DATFILES) $(fortune_datfiles_DATFILES_off) $(fortune_datfiles_GENSRCFILES)
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fortune_datfiles_DIRS := $(SHAREDIR)/fortunes
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fortune_datfiles_DIRS := $(FORTUNE_DIR)
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fortune_datfiles_all: $(fortune_datfiles_DATFILESp) $(fortune_datfiles_DATFILES_offp) $(fortune_datfiles_SRCFILESp) $(fortune_datfiles_GENSRCFILESp)
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@@ -56,7 +56,7 @@ fortune_datfiles_install: fortune_datfiles_all
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$(fortune_datfiles_GENSRCFILES) $(fortune_datfiles_DATFILES) \
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$(fortune_datfiles_DATFILES_off); do \
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$(INSTALL_DATA) fortune/datfiles/$$f \
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$(INSTALL_PREFIX)$(SHAREDIR)/fortunes/$$f; \
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$(INSTALL_PREFIX)$(FORTUNE_DIR)/$$f; \
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done
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$(fortune_datfiles_DATFILESp): fortune/datfiles/%.dat: fortune/datfiles/% fortune/strfile/strfile
|
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|
||||
@@ -243,10 +243,10 @@ Have we been cast a strange eye at?
|
||||
%
|
||||
Have we gone too fast too far?
|
||||
%
|
||||
He has a dire need, actually it's half-dire, but he thinks
|
||||
He has a dire need, actually it's half-dire, but he thinks
|
||||
it's double-dire.
|
||||
%
|
||||
He may be the greatest piece of cheese that ever walked down
|
||||
He may be the greatest piece of cheese that ever walked down
|
||||
the plank.
|
||||
%
|
||||
He and his group are two different people.
|
||||
@@ -355,7 +355,7 @@ He'll get his neck in hot water.
|
||||
%
|
||||
He'll grease any palm that will pat his ass.
|
||||
%
|
||||
He's tossing symbols around like a percussionist in a John
|
||||
He's tossing symbols around like a percussionist in a John
|
||||
Philip Sousa band.
|
||||
%
|
||||
He's a bulldog in a china shop.
|
||||
@@ -498,7 +498,7 @@ Hold your cool!
|
||||
%
|
||||
How old is your 2-year old?
|
||||
%
|
||||
I speak only with olive branches dripping from the corners
|
||||
I speak only with olive branches dripping from the corners
|
||||
of my mouth.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I accept it with both barrels.
|
||||
@@ -685,16 +685,16 @@ I'd like to strike while the inclination is hot.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I'd rather be tight than right.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If they do that, they'll be committing suicide for the rest of
|
||||
If they do that, they'll be committing suicide for the rest of
|
||||
their lives.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If they had to stand on their own two feet, they would have gone
|
||||
If they had to stand on their own two feet, they would have gone
|
||||
down the drain a long time ago.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If we keep going this way, somebody is going to be left standing
|
||||
If we keep going this way, somebody is going to be left standing
|
||||
at the church with his pants on.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you don't want words put in your mouth, don't leave it
|
||||
If you don't want words put in your mouth, don't leave it
|
||||
hanging open.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If anything, I bend over on the backwards side.
|
||||
@@ -1853,4 +1853,3 @@ Your wild oats have come home to roost.
|
||||
You're blowing it all out of context.
|
||||
%
|
||||
You've always been the bone of human kindness.
|
||||
%
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -188,13 +188,6 @@ wants to read.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A computer, to print out a fact,
|
||||
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
|
||||
But this output can be
|
||||
No more than debris,
|
||||
If the input was short of exact.
|
||||
-- Gigo
|
||||
%
|
||||
A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A CONS is an object which cares.
|
||||
@@ -213,12 +206,6 @@ damned things is ample.
|
||||
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
|
||||
-- Ben Franklin
|
||||
%
|
||||
A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
|
||||
And had an affair with a Saracen.
|
||||
She was not oversexed,
|
||||
Or jealous or vexed,
|
||||
She just wanted to make a comparison.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen
|
||||
lantern.
|
||||
-- Edgar A. Shoaff
|
||||
@@ -257,12 +244,6 @@ architect."
|
||||
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
|
||||
-- Ogden Nash
|
||||
%
|
||||
A dozen, a gross, and a score,
|
||||
Plus three times the square root of four,
|
||||
Divided by seven,
|
||||
Plus five times eleven,
|
||||
Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a
|
||||
Xerox 1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser.
|
||||
Wanting to help, the Hacker clicked one of the nodes in the network
|
||||
@@ -381,12 +362,6 @@ A Law of Computer Programming:
|
||||
Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you
|
||||
will find the programmers cannot write in English.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A limerick packs laughs anatomical
|
||||
Into space that is quite economical.
|
||||
But the good ones I've seen
|
||||
So seldom are clean,
|
||||
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of
|
||||
nothing.
|
||||
-- Alan Perlis
|
||||
@@ -495,12 +470,6 @@ on loan," the teacher replied. At that moment, the donkey brayed
|
||||
loudly inside the stable. "But I can hear it bray, over there." "Whom
|
||||
do you believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"
|
||||
%
|
||||
A new dramatist of the absurd
|
||||
Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
|
||||
I learn from my spies
|
||||
He's about to devise
|
||||
An unprintable three-letter word.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A new koan:
|
||||
|
||||
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
|
||||
@@ -754,22 +723,10 @@ in students.
|
||||
A University without students is like an ointment without a fly.
|
||||
-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
|
||||
%
|
||||
A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
|
||||
Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
|
||||
She found a good way
|
||||
To combine work and play:
|
||||
She sells C shells by the seashore.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
|
||||
replaces it with.
|
||||
-- Tennessee Williams
|
||||
%
|
||||
A very intelligent turtle
|
||||
Found programming UNIX a hurdle
|
||||
The system, you see,
|
||||
Ran as slow as did he,
|
||||
And that's not saying much for the turtle.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without
|
||||
getting nervous.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -3146,13 +3103,6 @@ Dentist, n.:
|
||||
coins out of one's pockets.
|
||||
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
|
||||
%
|
||||
Despising machines to a man,
|
||||
The Luddites joined up with the Klan,
|
||||
And ride out by night
|
||||
In a sheeting of white
|
||||
To lynch all the robots they can.
|
||||
-- C. M. and G. A. Maxson
|
||||
%
|
||||
Dessert is probably the most important stage of the meal, since it will
|
||||
be the last thing your guests remember before they pass out all over
|
||||
the table.
|
||||
@@ -4079,12 +4029,6 @@ granted. If I were you, I'd walk right up and smack them in the face.
|
||||
Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
|
||||
-- Robert Firth
|
||||
%
|
||||
Flappity, floppity, flip
|
||||
The mouse on the m"obius strip;
|
||||
The strip revolved,
|
||||
The mouse dissolved
|
||||
In a chronodimensional skip.
|
||||
%
|
||||
FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when
|
||||
the little hand is on the ....
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -5183,10 +5127,6 @@ Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
|
||||
of nothing.
|
||||
-- Redd Foxx
|
||||
%
|
||||
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
|
||||
of nothing.
|
||||
-- Redd Foxx
|
||||
%
|
||||
Heaven, n.:
|
||||
A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of
|
||||
their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you
|
||||
@@ -6955,12 +6895,6 @@ the sucker.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
|
||||
It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
|
||||
Or some joker who is slicker,
|
||||
Will trick you of your liquor,
|
||||
If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
|
||||
-- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -8335,12 +8269,6 @@ Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking
|
||||
for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem.
|
||||
-- Alan McKay
|
||||
%
|
||||
Limericks are art forms complex,
|
||||
Their topics run chiefly to sex.
|
||||
They usually have virgins,
|
||||
And masculine urgin's,
|
||||
And other erotic effects.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Linus: I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow. Maybe
|
||||
@@ -9419,8 +9347,6 @@ Noncombatant, n.:
|
||||
%
|
||||
Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Not far from here, by a white sun, behind a green star, lived the
|
||||
@@ -11858,13 +11784,6 @@ Swipple's Rule of Order:
|
||||
Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon.
|
||||
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
|
||||
%
|
||||
System/3! System/3!
|
||||
See how it runs! See how it runs!
|
||||
Its monitor loses so totally!
|
||||
It runs all its programs in RPG!
|
||||
It's made by our favorite monopoly!
|
||||
System/3!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Systems have sub-systems and sub-systems have sub-systems and so on ad
|
||||
infinitum -- which is why we're always starting over.
|
||||
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
|
||||
@@ -13773,24 +13692,6 @@ There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale
|
||||
returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
|
||||
-- Mark Twain
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was a girl named Irene
|
||||
Who lived on distilled kerosene
|
||||
But she started absorbin'
|
||||
A new hydrocarbon
|
||||
And since then has never benzene.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was a member of Mensa
|
||||
Who was a most excellent fencer.
|
||||
The sword that he used
|
||||
Was his -- (line is refused,
|
||||
And has now been removed by the censor).
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was an old man from Esser,
|
||||
Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
|
||||
It at last grew so small,
|
||||
He knew nothing at all,
|
||||
And now he's a College Professor.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
|
||||
-- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -13806,30 +13707,6 @@ said, "Look! We're not solving anything like this! The only fair
|
||||
thing to do is to vote on it." So they did, and Mayor Daley won by 97
|
||||
votes.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young lady from Hyde
|
||||
Who ate a green apple and died.
|
||||
While her lover lamented
|
||||
The apple fermented
|
||||
And made cider inside her inside.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young man who said "God,
|
||||
I find it exceedingly odd,
|
||||
That the willow oak tree
|
||||
Continues to be,
|
||||
When there's no one about in the Quad."
|
||||
|
||||
"Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd,
|
||||
For I'm always about in the Quad;
|
||||
And that's why the tree,
|
||||
Continues to be,"
|
||||
Signed "Yours faithfully, God."
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young poet named Dan,
|
||||
Whose poetry never would scan.
|
||||
When told this was so,
|
||||
He said, "Yes, I know.
|
||||
It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can."
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial:
|
||||
both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to
|
||||
talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him
|
||||
@@ -15437,7 +15314,7 @@ Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
|
||||
%
|
||||
Who's on first?
|
||||
%
|
||||
Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.
|
||||
"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.
|
||||
-- George Ade
|
||||
%
|
||||
Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -2,18 +2,6 @@
|
||||
69 with two fingers up your ass.
|
||||
-- George Carlin
|
||||
%
|
||||
A bather whose clothing was strewed
|
||||
By breezes that left her quite nude,
|
||||
Saw a man come along
|
||||
And, unless I'm quite wrong,
|
||||
You expected this line to be lewd.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
|
||||
I am not I, I'm a tree."
|
||||
But another, more sane,
|
||||
Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!"
|
||||
And covered his pants leg with pee.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A bureaucracy is like a septic tank -- all the really big shits float
|
||||
to the top.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -35,12 +23,6 @@ A hard man is good to find.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A mathematician named Hall
|
||||
Has a hexahedronical ball,
|
||||
And the cube of its weight
|
||||
Times his pecker's, plus eight
|
||||
Is his phone number -- give him a call.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a
|
||||
good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious
|
||||
scruples and the police.
|
||||
@@ -58,58 +40,16 @@ A nymph hits you and steals your virginity.
|
||||
A person who has both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely
|
||||
called a liberal.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A pretty young lady named Vogel
|
||||
Once sat herself down on a molehill.
|
||||
A curious mole
|
||||
Nosed into her hole --
|
||||
Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A pretty young maiden from France
|
||||
Decided she'd "just take a chance."
|
||||
She let herself go
|
||||
For an hour or so
|
||||
And now all her sisters are aunts.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone, somewhere, is
|
||||
having fun.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A reactionary is a man whose political opinions always manage to keep
|
||||
up with yesterday.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A remarkable race are the Persians;
|
||||
They have such peculiar diversions.
|
||||
They make love the whole day
|
||||
In the usual way
|
||||
And save up the nights for perversions.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A team playing baseball in Dallas
|
||||
Called the umpire blind out of malice.
|
||||
While this worthy had fits
|
||||
The team made eight hits
|
||||
And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A wanton young lady from Wimley
|
||||
Reproached for not acting quite primly
|
||||
Said, "Heavens above!
|
||||
I know sex isn't love,
|
||||
But it's such an entrancing facsimile."
|
||||
%
|
||||
A widow who fancied a man some
|
||||
Was diddled three times in a hansome.
|
||||
When she clamored for more
|
||||
Her young man became sore
|
||||
And exclaimed "My name's Simpson not Samson."
|
||||
%
|
||||
A woman is like a dresser ... some man always goin' through her
|
||||
drawers.
|
||||
-- Blind Lemon Pledge
|
||||
%
|
||||
A worried young man from Stamboul
|
||||
Founds lots of red spots on his tool.
|
||||
Said the doctor, a cynic,
|
||||
"Get out of my clinic;
|
||||
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool!"
|
||||
%
|
||||
A.I. hackers do it with robots.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
|
||||
@@ -154,12 +94,6 @@ America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it
|
||||
wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
|
||||
-- Arnold Joseph Toynbee
|
||||
%
|
||||
An architect fellow named Yoric
|
||||
Could, when feeling euphoric,
|
||||
Display for selection
|
||||
Three kinds of erection --
|
||||
Corinthian, ionic, and doric.
|
||||
%
|
||||
An Army travels on her stomach.
|
||||
%
|
||||
An egg has the shortest sex-life of all: it gets laid once; it gets
|
||||
@@ -608,12 +542,6 @@ finally hit upon the idea of woman and created Eve.
|
||||
%
|
||||
He could be a poster child for retroactive birth control.
|
||||
%
|
||||
He hated to mend, so young Ned
|
||||
Called in a cute neighbor instead.
|
||||
Her husband said, "Vi,
|
||||
When you stitched his torn fly,
|
||||
Did you have to bite off the thread?"
|
||||
%
|
||||
He wasn't much of an actor, he wasn't much of a Governor -- Hell, they
|
||||
_H_A_D to make him President of the United States. It's the only job he's
|
||||
qualified for!
|
||||
@@ -704,12 +632,6 @@ I hope he fries in Hell.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I love this fucking University, and this University loves fucking me.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I once met a lassie named Ruth
|
||||
In a long distance telephone booth.
|
||||
Now I know the perfection
|
||||
Of an ideal connection
|
||||
Even if somewhat uncouth.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I own my own body, but I share.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I realize that today you have a number of top female athletes such as
|
||||
@@ -871,12 +793,6 @@ growth of the Laboratories."
|
||||
And the Captain looked down upon the Project, and He saw that
|
||||
it was Good!
|
||||
%
|
||||
In the Garden of Eden sat Adam,
|
||||
Massaging the bust of his madam,
|
||||
He chuckled with mirth,
|
||||
For he knew that on earth,
|
||||
There were only two boobs and he had 'em.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Incest, n.:
|
||||
Sibling revelry.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -1051,12 +967,6 @@ Ocean, n.:
|
||||
A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for
|
||||
man -- who has no gills.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Once a young gay from Khartoum
|
||||
Took a lesbian up to his room.
|
||||
They argued all night
|
||||
Over who had the right
|
||||
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to
|
||||
fly south for the winter. However, soon after the weather turned cold,
|
||||
the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.
|
||||
@@ -1259,30 +1169,6 @@ any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Ronald Reagan -- America's favorite placebo
|
||||
%
|
||||
Said a horny young girl from Milpitas,
|
||||
"My favorite sport is coitus."
|
||||
But a fullback from State
|
||||
Made her period late,
|
||||
And now she has athlete's fetus.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Said a swinging young chick named Lyth
|
||||
Whose virtue was largely a myth,
|
||||
"Try as hard as I can,
|
||||
I can't find a man
|
||||
That it's fun to be virtuous with."
|
||||
%
|
||||
Said Einstein, "I have an equation
|
||||
Which to some may seem rabelaisian:
|
||||
Let _V be virginity
|
||||
Approaching infinity;
|
||||
Let _P be a constant persuasion;
|
||||
|
||||
"Let _V over _P be inverted
|
||||
With the square root of _M_u inserted
|
||||
_N times into _V ...
|
||||
The result, Q.E.D.,
|
||||
Is a relative!" Einstein asserted.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Save Soviet Jewry -- Win Valuable Prizes!!!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Sex is like a bridge game -- If you have a good hand no partner is
|
||||
@@ -1527,184 +1413,6 @@ There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.
|
||||
There is a God, but He drinks.
|
||||
-- Blore
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was a couple named Kelley,
|
||||
Who lived their life belly to belly.
|
||||
Because in their haste
|
||||
They used Library Paste,
|
||||
Instead of Petroleum Jelly.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was a feisty young terrier
|
||||
Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
|
||||
He'd yip and he'd yap,
|
||||
Then leap up and snap;
|
||||
And the fairer the derriere the merrier.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was a freshman named Lin,
|
||||
Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
|
||||
A virgin named Joan
|
||||
From a bible belt home,
|
||||
Said, "This won't be much of a sin."
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was a hacker named Ken
|
||||
Who inherited truckloads of Yen
|
||||
So he built him some chicks
|
||||
Of silicon chips
|
||||
And hasn't been heard from since then.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was a lady from Exeter,
|
||||
So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
|
||||
One was even so brave
|
||||
As to take out and wave
|
||||
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was a man named Eugene
|
||||
Who invented a screwing machine
|
||||
Concave and convex
|
||||
It served either sex
|
||||
And it played with itself in between.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was a plumber from Leigh,
|
||||
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea,
|
||||
Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
|
||||
I think someone's coming!"
|
||||
Said he, "Yes I know love, it's me."
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was a queen of Bulgaria
|
||||
Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier,
|
||||
Till a prince from Peru
|
||||
Who came up for a screw
|
||||
Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was a Scot named McAmeter
|
||||
With a tool of prodigious diameter.
|
||||
It was not the size
|
||||
That cause such surprise;
|
||||
'Twas his rhythm -- iambic pentameter.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a bluestocking in Florence
|
||||
Wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents,
|
||||
Till a Spanish grandee,
|
||||
Got her off with his knee,
|
||||
And she burned all her works with abhorrence.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a gay countess of Bray,
|
||||
And you may think it odd when I say,
|
||||
That in spite of high station,
|
||||
Rank and education,
|
||||
She always spelled cunt with a "k".
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young fellow named Bliss
|
||||
Whose sex life was strangely amiss,
|
||||
For even with Venus
|
||||
His recalcitrant penis
|
||||
Would never do better than t
|
||||
h
|
||||
i
|
||||
s
|
||||
.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young girl from Hong Kong
|
||||
Whose cervical cap was a gong.
|
||||
She said with a yell,
|
||||
As a shot rang her bell,
|
||||
"I'll give you a ding for a dong!"
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young girl named Sapphire
|
||||
Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
|
||||
She said, "It's a sin,
|
||||
But now that it's in,
|
||||
Could you shove it a few inches higher?"
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young girl of Angina
|
||||
Who stretched catgut across her vagina.
|
||||
From the love-making frock
|
||||
(With the proper sized cock)
|
||||
Came Tocata and Fugue in D minor.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young girl of Darjeeling
|
||||
Who could dance with such exquisite feeling
|
||||
There was never a sound
|
||||
For miles around
|
||||
Save of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young lad name of Durcan
|
||||
Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
|
||||
His father said, "Durcan!
|
||||
Stop jerkin' your gherkin!
|
||||
Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young lady from Maine
|
||||
Who claimed she had men on her brain.
|
||||
But you knew from the view,
|
||||
As her abdomen grew,
|
||||
It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young lady named Clair
|
||||
Who possessed a magnificent pair;
|
||||
At least so I thought
|
||||
Till I saw one get caught
|
||||
On a thorn, and begin losing air.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young lady named Hall,
|
||||
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
|
||||
The dress caught on fire
|
||||
And burned her entire
|
||||
Front page, sporting section, and all.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young lady named Twiss
|
||||
Who said she thought fucking a bliss,
|
||||
For it tickled her bum
|
||||
And caused her to come
|
||||
.siht ekil gniyl ylbatrofmoc elihW
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young lady of Norway
|
||||
Who hung by her toes in a doorway.
|
||||
She said to her beau
|
||||
"Just look at me, Joe,
|
||||
I think I've discovered one more way."
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young man from Bel-Air
|
||||
Who was screwing his girl on the stair,
|
||||
But the banister broke,
|
||||
So he doubled his stroke,
|
||||
And finished her off in mid-air.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young man named Crockett
|
||||
Whose balls got caught in a socket.
|
||||
His wife was a bitch,
|
||||
And she threw the switch,
|
||||
As Crockett went off like a rocket.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young man of Cape Horn
|
||||
Who wished he had never been born,
|
||||
And he wouldn't have been
|
||||
If his father had seen
|
||||
That the end of the rubber was torn.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young man of St. John's
|
||||
Who wanted to bugger the swans.
|
||||
But the loyal hall porter
|
||||
Said, "Pray take my daughter!
|
||||
Those birds are reserved for the dons."
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young whore from Kaloo
|
||||
Who filled her vagina with glue.
|
||||
She said with a grin,
|
||||
"If they pay to get in,
|
||||
They can pay to get out again too!"
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was an old man of the port
|
||||
Whose prick was remarkably short.
|
||||
When he got into bed,
|
||||
The old woman said,
|
||||
"This isn't a prick; it's a wart!"
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was an old pirate named Bates
|
||||
Who was learning to rhumba on skates.
|
||||
He fell on his cutlass,
|
||||
Which rendered him nutless
|
||||
And practically useless on dates.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There were the Scots
|
||||
Who kept the Sabbath
|
||||
And everything else they could lay their hands on.
|
||||
@@ -1913,12 +1621,6 @@ would be before she could resume her sex life. "I really haven't
|
||||
thought about it," gulped the stunned surgeon. "You're the first
|
||||
patient who's asked me that after a tonsillectomy!"
|
||||
%
|
||||
While I, with my usual enthusiasm,
|
||||
Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm,
|
||||
She explained, "They are flat,
|
||||
But think nothing of that --
|
||||
You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm."
|
||||
%
|
||||
White House carpenters have reworked the master bedroom, remodeling it
|
||||
so that Ronnie can sleep with his head in the hall. That way, by the
|
||||
time he wakes up, somebody will have already shined his hair.
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -2310,7 +2310,7 @@ Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up. Yum!
|
||||
They can't play baseball; they don't wear sweaters;
|
||||
They aren't good dancers; they can't play drums.
|
||||
(chorus):
|
||||
Roly-poly fish heads are NEVER seen drinking cappucino in
|
||||
Roly-poly fish heads are NEVER seen drinking cappuccino in
|
||||
Italian restaurants with Oriental women.
|
||||
(chorus):
|
||||
Fishy!
|
||||
@@ -3352,26 +3352,6 @@ had to be printed and pasted over them in every copy. The result
|
||||
provoked wry comments on the rather patchy papal infallibility, and
|
||||
Pope Sixtus had no recourse but to order the return and destruction of
|
||||
every copy.
|
||||
%
|
||||
So Richard and I decided to try to catch [the small shark]. With
|
||||
a great deal of strategy and effort and shouting, we managed to maneuver
|
||||
the shark, over the course of about a half-hour, to a sort of corner of the
|
||||
lagoon, so that it had no way to escape other than to flop up onto the land
|
||||
and evolve. Richard and I were inching toward it, sort of crouched over,
|
||||
when all of a sudden it turned around and -- I can still remember the
|
||||
sensation I felt at that moment, primarily in the armpit area -- headed
|
||||
right straight toward us.
|
||||
Many people would have panicked at this point. But Richard and I
|
||||
were not "many people." We were experienced waders, and we kept our heads.
|
||||
We did exactly what the textbook says you should do when you're unarmed and
|
||||
a shark that is nearly two feet long turns on you in water up to your lower
|
||||
calves: We sprinted I would say 600 yards in the opposite direction, using
|
||||
a sprinting style such that the bottoms of our feet never once went below
|
||||
the surface of the water. We ran all the way to the far shore, and if we
|
||||
had been in a Warner Brothers cartoon we would have run right INTO the beach,
|
||||
and you would have seen these two mounds of sand racing across the island
|
||||
until they bonked into trees and coconuts fell onto their heads.
|
||||
-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
|
||||
%
|
||||
So Richard and I decided to try to catch [the small shark].
|
||||
With a great deal of strategy and effort and shouting, we managed to
|
||||
@@ -3523,24 +3503,6 @@ is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn."
|
||||
-- T.H. White, "The Once and Future King"
|
||||
%
|
||||
The big problem with pornography is defining it. You can't just
|
||||
say it's pictures of people naked. For example, you have these primitive
|
||||
African tribes that exist by chasing the wildebeest on foot, and they have
|
||||
to go around largely naked, because, as the old tribal saying goes: "N'wam
|
||||
k'honi soit qui mali," which means, "If you think you can catch a wildebeest
|
||||
in this climate and wear clothes at the same time, then I have some beach
|
||||
front property in the desert region of Northern Mali that you may be
|
||||
interested in."
|
||||
So it's not considered pornographic when National Geographic publishes
|
||||
color photographs of these people hunting the wildebeest naked, or pounding
|
||||
one rock onto another rock for some primitive reason naked, or whatever.
|
||||
But if National Geographic were to publish an article entitled "The Girls
|
||||
of the California Junior College System Hunt the Wildebeest Naked," some
|
||||
people would call it pornography. But others would not. And still others,
|
||||
such as the Spectacularly Rev. Jerry Falwell, would get upset about seeing
|
||||
the wildebeest naked.
|
||||
-- Dave Barry, "Pornography"
|
||||
%
|
||||
The big problem with pornography is defining it. You can't just
|
||||
say it's pictures of people naked. For example, you have these
|
||||
primitive African tribes that exist by chasing the wildebeest on foot,
|
||||
and they have to go around largely naked, because, as the old tribal
|
||||
@@ -5084,16 +5046,6 @@ of this article.)
|
||||
"... bleakness... desolation... plastic forks..."
|
||||
-- Zippy the Pinhead
|
||||
%
|
||||
... But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand. Human
|
||||
intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as we
|
||||
can tell. If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues that now
|
||||
seem foolish to us, then the failure lies in our understanding of their
|
||||
world, not in their distorted perceptions. Even the standard example of
|
||||
ancient nonsense -- the debate about angels on pinheads -- makes sense once
|
||||
you realize that theologians were not discussing whether five or eighteen
|
||||
would fit, but whether a pin could house a finite or an infinite number.
|
||||
-- S. J. Gould, "Wide Hats and Narrow Minds"
|
||||
%
|
||||
... C++ offers even more flexible control over the visibility of member
|
||||
objects and member functions. Specifically, members may be placed in the
|
||||
public, private, or protected parts of a class. Members declared in the
|
||||
@@ -6510,10 +6462,6 @@ A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough
|
||||
to take it all away.
|
||||
-- Barry Goldwater
|
||||
%
|
||||
A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough
|
||||
to take it all away.
|
||||
-- Barry Goldwater
|
||||
%
|
||||
A grammarian's life is always intense.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.
|
||||
@@ -8025,15 +7973,6 @@ A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.
|
||||
A witty saying proves nothing.
|
||||
-- Voltaire
|
||||
%
|
||||
"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to admit,
|
||||
let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that
|
||||
there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another,
|
||||
completely immune to any direct magical spell. It is for this group of
|
||||
beings that the magician learns the subtleties of using indirect spells.
|
||||
It also does no harm, in dealing with these matters, to carry a large club
|
||||
near your person at all times."
|
||||
-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII
|
||||
%
|
||||
A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to admit,
|
||||
let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that
|
||||
there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another,
|
||||
@@ -8072,14 +8011,6 @@ A woman is like your shadow; follow her, she flies; fly from her,
|
||||
she follows.
|
||||
-- Chamfort
|
||||
%
|
||||
A woman is like your shadow; follow her,
|
||||
she flies; fly from her, she follows.
|
||||
-- Chamfort
|
||||
%
|
||||
A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure,
|
||||
it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.
|
||||
-- Nietzsche
|
||||
%
|
||||
A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to
|
||||
endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.
|
||||
-- Nietzsche
|
||||
@@ -8088,10 +8019,6 @@ A woman must be a cute, cuddly, naive little thing -- tender, sweet,
|
||||
and stupid.
|
||||
-- Adolf Hitler
|
||||
%
|
||||
A woman must be a cute, cuddly, naive
|
||||
little thing -- tender, sweet, and stupid.
|
||||
-- Adolf Hitler
|
||||
%
|
||||
A woman of generous character will sacrifice her life a thousand times
|
||||
over for her lover, but will break with him for ever over a question of
|
||||
pride -- for the opening or the shutting of a door.
|
||||
@@ -8410,12 +8337,6 @@ Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could
|
||||
beat up their city anytime.
|
||||
-- David Letterman
|
||||
%
|
||||
According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in
|
||||
America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth.
|
||||
Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could
|
||||
beat up their city anytime.
|
||||
-- David Letterman
|
||||
%
|
||||
ACCORDION:
|
||||
A bagpipe with pleats.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -8872,12 +8793,6 @@ The surest poison is time.
|
||||
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
|
||||
-- George Bernard Shaw
|
||||
%
|
||||
Alden's Laws:
|
||||
(1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
|
||||
of pregnancy.
|
||||
(2) Always be backlit.
|
||||
(3) Sit down whenever possible.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Alden's Laws:
|
||||
1: Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
|
||||
of pregnancy.
|
||||
@@ -9477,11 +9392,6 @@ R: "We take tanks."
|
||||
An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize
|
||||
the president but is always polite to traffic cops.
|
||||
%
|
||||
An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New
|
||||
Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not
|
||||
new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax.
|
||||
-- David Letterman
|
||||
%
|
||||
An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to
|
||||
New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but
|
||||
not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax.
|
||||
@@ -9978,13 +9888,6 @@ in short, I should have liked, I do confess, to have had the lightest
|
||||
license of a child, and yet been man enough to know its value.
|
||||
-- Charles Dickens
|
||||
%
|
||||
And yet, seasons must be taken with a grain of salt, for they too have a
|
||||
sense of humor, as does history. Corn stalks comedy, comedy stalks tragedy,
|
||||
and this too is historic. And yet, still, when corn meets tragedy face to
|
||||
face, we have politics.
|
||||
-- Dalglish, Larsen and Sutherland, "Root Crops and
|
||||
Ground Cover"
|
||||
%
|
||||
And yet, seasons must be taken with a grain of salt, for they too have
|
||||
a sense of humor, as does history. Corn stalks comedy, comedy stalks
|
||||
tragedy, and this too is historic. And yet, still, when corn meets
|
||||
@@ -10500,9 +10403,6 @@ Are you making all this up as you go along?
|
||||
Are you sure the back door is locked?
|
||||
%
|
||||
"Are you sure you're not an encyclopedia salesman?"
|
||||
"No, Ma'am. Just a burglar, come to ransack the flat."
|
||||
%
|
||||
"Are you sure you're not an encyclopedia salesman?"
|
||||
No, Ma'am. Just a burglar, come to ransack the flat."
|
||||
-- Monty Python
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -10643,11 +10543,6 @@ disgusting person are you," these letters typically ask, "that you make
|
||||
jokes about setting fire to a goat?"
|
||||
-- Dave Barry
|
||||
%
|
||||
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I
|
||||
thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist.
|
||||
This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
|
||||
-- M. Cartmill
|
||||
%
|
||||
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and
|
||||
I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist.
|
||||
This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
|
||||
@@ -11209,9 +11104,6 @@ never really caught on.
|
||||
Back when I was a boy, it was 40 miles to everywhere,
|
||||
uphill both ways and it was always snowing.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Back when I was a boy, it was 40 miles to everywhere, uphill both ways
|
||||
and it was always snowing.
|
||||
%
|
||||
BACKWARD CONDITIONING:
|
||||
Putting saliva in a dog's mouth in an attempt to make a bell ring.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -14783,7 +14675,7 @@ just whipped out a quarter?
|
||||
%
|
||||
"Do you think there's a God?"
|
||||
"Well, SOMEbody's out to get me!"
|
||||
-- Calvin and Hobbs
|
||||
-- Calvin and Hobbes
|
||||
%
|
||||
"Do you think what we're doing is wrong?"
|
||||
"Of course it's wrong! It's illegal!"
|
||||
@@ -14819,9 +14711,6 @@ Documentation:
|
||||
Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must
|
||||
be good because the programmers hate it so much.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Documentation is the castor oil of programming.
|
||||
Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Does a good farmer neglect a crop he has planted?
|
||||
Does a good teacher overlook even the most humble student?
|
||||
Does a good father allow a single child to starve?
|
||||
@@ -14866,12 +14755,6 @@ I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love.
|
||||
Don't be humble, you're not that great.
|
||||
-- Golda Meir
|
||||
%
|
||||
Don't be humble, you're not that great.
|
||||
-- Golda Meir
|
||||
%
|
||||
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't
|
||||
be replaced, you cannot be promoted.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
|
||||
@@ -15314,9 +15197,6 @@ production of great leaders has been discontinued.
|
||||
Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your
|
||||
fate and captain of your soul.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Due to circumstances beyond your control,
|
||||
you are master of your fate and captain of your soul.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Dungeons and Dragons is just a lot of Saxon Violence.
|
||||
%
|
||||
During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity has
|
||||
@@ -16261,13 +16141,6 @@ There are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no
|
||||
straight lines.
|
||||
-- R. Buckminster Fuller
|
||||
%
|
||||
Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less
|
||||
obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no
|
||||
solids in the universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid. There
|
||||
are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no
|
||||
straight lines.
|
||||
-- R. Buckminster Fuller
|
||||
%
|
||||
Everything's great in this good old world;
|
||||
(This is the stuff they can always use.)
|
||||
God's in his heaven, the hill's dew-pearled;
|
||||
@@ -16333,10 +16206,6 @@ Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from
|
||||
acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
|
||||
-- W. Somerset Maugham
|
||||
%
|
||||
Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents
|
||||
moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
|
||||
-- W. Somerset Maugham
|
||||
%
|
||||
Excessive login messages is a sure sign of senility.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.
|
||||
@@ -18188,9 +18057,6 @@ furbling, v:
|
||||
even when you are the only person in line.
|
||||
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
|
||||
%
|
||||
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
|
||||
-- H. H. Williams
|
||||
%
|
||||
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
|
||||
-- H.H. Williams
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -18898,9 +18764,6 @@ Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
|
||||
Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's
|
||||
new lover.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Good night to spend with family,
|
||||
but avoid arguments with your mate's new lover.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.
|
||||
-- R.E. Schenk
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -19221,10 +19084,6 @@ Hacker's Law:
|
||||
The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir
|
||||
a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Hacker's Law:
|
||||
The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a
|
||||
nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Hackers of the world, unite!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Hacker's Quicky #313:
|
||||
@@ -19341,10 +19200,6 @@ Hanson's Treatment of Time:
|
||||
There are never enough hours in a day,
|
||||
but always too many days before Saturday.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Hanson's Treatment of Time:
|
||||
There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days
|
||||
before Saturday.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
|
||||
%
|
||||
happiness, adv:
|
||||
@@ -22450,7 +22305,7 @@ but for what I am when I am with you.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I loved her with a love thirsty and desperate. I felt that we two might
|
||||
commit some act so atrocious that the world, seeing us, would find it
|
||||
irresistable.
|
||||
irresistible.
|
||||
-- Gene Wolfe, "The Shadow of the Torturer"
|
||||
%
|
||||
I married beneath me. All women do.
|
||||
@@ -22488,8 +22343,6 @@ week sometimes to make it up.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I myself have dreamed up a structure intermediate between Dyson spheres
|
||||
and planets. Build a ring 93 million miles in radius -- one Earth orbit
|
||||
-- around the sun. If we have the mass of Jupiter to work with, and if
|
||||
@@ -23256,10 +23109,6 @@ I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in
|
||||
my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
|
||||
-- Emo Phillips
|
||||
%
|
||||
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near
|
||||
the place.
|
||||
-- Steven Wright
|
||||
%
|
||||
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere
|
||||
near the place.
|
||||
-- Steven Wright
|
||||
@@ -23874,11 +23723,6 @@ If a train station is a place where a train stops, what's a workstation?
|
||||
%
|
||||
If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever
|
||||
to get a "fix" of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude
|
||||
that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine.
|
||||
-- Rob Stampfli
|
||||
%
|
||||
If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever
|
||||
to get a "fix" of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude
|
||||
that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine.
|
||||
-- Rob Stampfli
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -24322,8 +24166,6 @@ If it happens once, it's a bug.
|
||||
If it happens twice, it's a feature.
|
||||
If it happens more than twice, it's a design philosophy.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If it has syntax, it isn't user friendly.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If it has syntax, it isn't user-friendly.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If it heals good, say it.
|
||||
@@ -25156,9 +24998,6 @@ but there's only one Maltese Falcon.
|
||||
If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich,
|
||||
or famous or both.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist,
|
||||
he'll get rich or famous or both.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you love someone, set them free.
|
||||
If they don't come back, then call them up when you're drunk.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -29255,8 +29094,6 @@ L'etat c'est moi.
|
||||
Let's do it.
|
||||
-- Gary Gilmore, to his firing squad
|
||||
%
|
||||
Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Let's just be friends and make no special
|
||||
effort to ever see each other again.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -29264,14 +29101,6 @@ Let's just say that where a change was required, I adjusted. In every
|
||||
relationship that exists, people have to seek a way to survive. If you
|
||||
really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the end.
|
||||
For the first time, I found that I really could change, and the qualities
|
||||
I most admired in myself I gave up. I stopped being loud and bossy ...
|
||||
Oh, all right. I was still loud and bossy, but only behind his back.
|
||||
-- Kate Hepburn, on Tracy and Hepburn
|
||||
%
|
||||
Let's just say that where a change was required, I adjusted. In every
|
||||
relationship that exists, people have to seek a way to survive. If you
|
||||
really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the end.
|
||||
For the first time, I found that I really could change, and the qualities
|
||||
I most admired in myself I gave up. I stopped being loud and bossy...
|
||||
Oh, all right. I was still loud and bossy, but only behind his back."
|
||||
-- Kate Hepburn, on Tracy and Hepburn
|
||||
@@ -29701,12 +29530,6 @@ Charlie Brown:
|
||||
No, that's giving up. I'm still hoping that yesterday
|
||||
will get better.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Linus: I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow. Maybe
|
||||
we should think only about today.
|
||||
Charlie Brown:
|
||||
No, that's giving up. I'm still hoping that yesterday will get
|
||||
better.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Linus' Law:
|
||||
There is no heavier burden than a great potential.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -30095,10 +29918,6 @@ Love is always open arms. With arms open you allow love to come and
|
||||
go as it wills, freely, for it will do so anyway. If you close your
|
||||
arms about love you'll find you are left only holding yourself.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real
|
||||
with the ideal never goes unpunished.
|
||||
-- Goethe
|
||||
%
|
||||
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the
|
||||
real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
|
||||
-- Goethe
|
||||
@@ -30448,10 +30267,6 @@ Man is a military animal,
|
||||
Glories in gunpowder, and loves parade.
|
||||
-- P.J. Bailey
|
||||
%
|
||||
Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon
|
||||
to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
|
||||
-- Oscar Wilde
|
||||
%
|
||||
Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he
|
||||
is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
|
||||
-- Oscar Wilde
|
||||
@@ -31942,10 +31757,6 @@ My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
|
||||
Unless there are three other people.
|
||||
-- Orson Welles
|
||||
%
|
||||
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there
|
||||
are three other people.
|
||||
-- Orson Welles
|
||||
%
|
||||
My doctorate's in Literature, but it seems like a pretty good pulse to me.
|
||||
%
|
||||
My experience with government is when things are non-controversial,
|
||||
@@ -32735,10 +32546,6 @@ And tapes mixed up on the racks --
|
||||
Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
|
||||
-- Henry Kissinger
|
||||
%
|
||||
Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would.
|
||||
The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.
|
||||
-- Augustine
|
||||
%
|
||||
Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they
|
||||
would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect
|
||||
that much.
|
||||
@@ -33415,13 +33222,6 @@ and/or frogs falling from the sky.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Note to myself: use real bullets next time.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Notes for a ballet, "The Spell:" ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the
|
||||
flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ...
|
||||
Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part
|
||||
woman -- unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who
|
||||
is careful not to make any poultry jokes...
|
||||
-- Woody Allen
|
||||
%
|
||||
Notes for a ballet, "The Spell": ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of
|
||||
wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is
|
||||
astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman --
|
||||
@@ -33536,10 +33336,6 @@ Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
|
||||
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
|
||||
-- Charlie Brown
|
||||
%
|
||||
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut
|
||||
butter quite like unrequited love.
|
||||
-- Charlie Brown
|
||||
%
|
||||
Nothing that's forced can ever be right,
|
||||
If it doesn't come naturally, leave it.
|
||||
That's what she said as she turned out the light,
|
||||
@@ -34277,8 +34073,6 @@ girl knelt by her bed to say her prayers. "God bless Mommy and Daddy and
|
||||
Keith and Kim," she said. As she began to get up, she quickly added, "Oh,
|
||||
and God, this is goodbye. We're moving to Hollywood."
|
||||
%
|
||||
On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT.
|
||||
%
|
||||
On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without
|
||||
a purpose, but never without a POINT.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -35610,10 +35404,6 @@ People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
|
||||
People who have no faults are terrible;
|
||||
there is no way of taking advantage of them.
|
||||
%
|
||||
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't
|
||||
what they want that they don't want it.
|
||||
-- Ogden Nash
|
||||
%
|
||||
People who have what they want are very fond of telling
|
||||
people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.
|
||||
-- Ogden Nash
|
||||
@@ -35630,9 +35420,6 @@ cold baths.
|
||||
People who think they know everything
|
||||
greatly annoy those of us who do.
|
||||
%
|
||||
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin
|
||||
Franklin said it first.
|
||||
%
|
||||
People will accept your ideas much more readily if
|
||||
you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -37550,9 +37337,6 @@ Everything I am today I owe to people, whom it is now
|
||||
to late to punish.
|
||||
%
|
||||
QOTD:
|
||||
I haven't come far enough and don't call me baby.
|
||||
%
|
||||
QOTD:
|
||||
I looked out my window, and saw Kyle Pettys' car upside down,
|
||||
then I thought 'One of us is in real trouble'.
|
||||
-- Davey Allison, on a 150 m.p.h. crash
|
||||
@@ -37822,10 +37606,6 @@ Reality must take precedence over public relations, for Mother Nature
|
||||
cannot be fooled.
|
||||
-- R.P. Feynman
|
||||
%
|
||||
Reality must take precedence over public
|
||||
relations, for Mother Nature cannot be fooled.
|
||||
-- R.P. Feynman
|
||||
%
|
||||
Really?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Reappraisal, n:
|
||||
@@ -37866,20 +37646,6 @@ lose your job. These economic downturns are very difficult to predict,
|
||||
but sophisticated econometric modeling houses like Data Resources and
|
||||
Chase Econometrics have successfully predicted 14 of the last 3 recessions.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Recipe for a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster:
|
||||
(1) Take the juice from one bottle of Ol' Janx Spirit
|
||||
(2) Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of
|
||||
Santraginus V (Oh, those Santraginean fish!)
|
||||
(3) Allow 3 cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the
|
||||
mixture (properly iced or the benzine is lost.)
|
||||
(4) Allow four liters of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it.
|
||||
(5) Over the back of a silver spoon, float a measure of
|
||||
Qualactin Hypermint extract.
|
||||
(6) Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve.
|
||||
(7) Sprinkle Zamphuor.
|
||||
(8) Add an olive.
|
||||
(9) Drink... but... very carefully...
|
||||
%
|
||||
Recipe for a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster:
|
||||
(1) Take the juice from one bottle of Ol' Janx Spirit
|
||||
(2) Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of
|
||||
@@ -38153,17 +37919,6 @@ Rhode's Law:
|
||||
and infinitely so, until such time as it becomes advantageous to
|
||||
assume otherwise, maybe.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Rhode's Law:
|
||||
When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening, circumstance,
|
||||
or result can in no way be directly, indirectly, empirically, or circuitously
|
||||
proven, derived, implied, inferred, induced, deducted, estimated, or
|
||||
scientifically guessed, it will always for the purpose of convenience,
|
||||
expediency, political advantage, material gain, or personal comfort, or any
|
||||
combination of the above, or none of the above, be unilaterally and
|
||||
unequivocally assumed, proclaimed, and adhered to as absolute truth to be
|
||||
undeniably, universally, immutably, and infinitely so, until such time as
|
||||
it becomes advantageous to assume otherwise, maybe.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men
|
||||
should be happier than others.
|
||||
-- Oscar Wilde
|
||||
@@ -39232,11 +38987,6 @@ aircraft carrier in the Formosa Straits.'
|
||||
bad fiction contest.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken
|
||||
him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess of
|
||||
stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.
|
||||
-- Samuel Johnson
|
||||
%
|
||||
Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken
|
||||
him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess
|
||||
of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.
|
||||
-- Samuel Johnson
|
||||
@@ -39663,15 +39413,6 @@ into this.
|
||||
composed for Linda Wertheimer of National Public Radio.
|
||||
From SPY Magazine, November 1992
|
||||
%
|
||||
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and
|
||||
at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into
|
||||
the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently married
|
||||
the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Grand Panjandrum
|
||||
himself, with the little round button at top, and they all fell to playing
|
||||
the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran out at the heels of
|
||||
their boots.
|
||||
-- Samuel Foote
|
||||
%
|
||||
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie;
|
||||
and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head
|
||||
into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently
|
||||
@@ -39736,14 +39477,6 @@ So...
|
||||
"Why not, David, it might even be fun."
|
||||
-- Dating in Minnesota
|
||||
%
|
||||
So you see Antonio, why worry about one little core dump, eh? In reality all
|
||||
core dumps happen at the same instant, so the core dump you will have tomorrow,
|
||||
why, it already happened. You see, its just a little universal recursive joke
|
||||
which threads our lives through the infinite potential of the instant. So go
|
||||
to sleep, Antonio, your thread could break any moment and cast you out of the
|
||||
safe security of the instant into the dark void of eternity, the anti-time.
|
||||
So go to sleep, ...
|
||||
%
|
||||
So you see Antonio, why worry about one little core dump, eh? In reality
|
||||
all core dumps happen at the same instant, so the core dump you will have
|
||||
tomorrow, why, it already happened. You see, it's just a little universal
|
||||
@@ -40561,9 +40294,6 @@ editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
|
||||
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the
|
||||
way before it is understood.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think
|
||||
and getting out of the way before it is understood
|
||||
%
|
||||
Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names
|
||||
the streets after them.
|
||||
-- Bill Vaughn
|
||||
@@ -40973,10 +40703,6 @@ TAXES:
|
||||
Of life's two certainties,
|
||||
the only one for which you can get an extension.
|
||||
%
|
||||
TAXES:
|
||||
Of life's two certainties, the only one for
|
||||
which you can get an extension.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
|
||||
%
|
||||
TCP/IP Slang Glossary, #1:
|
||||
@@ -42460,9 +42186,6 @@ The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time,
|
||||
the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The first and almost the only Book deserving of universal attention is
|
||||
the Bible.
|
||||
-- John Quincy Adams
|
||||
@@ -42511,10 +42234,6 @@ The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half
|
||||
by our children.
|
||||
-- Clarence Darrow
|
||||
%
|
||||
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents,
|
||||
and the second half by our children.
|
||||
-- Clarence Darrow
|
||||
%
|
||||
The first marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence,
|
||||
and the second the triumph of hope over experience.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -44940,10 +44659,6 @@ The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body.
|
||||
This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be
|
||||
taken seriously.
|
||||
-- Hubert Humphrey
|
||||
%
|
||||
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be
|
||||
taken seriously.
|
||||
-- Hubert Humphrey
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -45563,10 +45278,6 @@ The trouble with opportunity is that it
|
||||
always comes disguised as hard work.
|
||||
-- Herbert V. Prochnow
|
||||
%
|
||||
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing --
|
||||
and then marry him.
|
||||
-- Cher
|
||||
%
|
||||
The trouble with some women is that they get
|
||||
all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
|
||||
-- Cher
|
||||
@@ -46386,13 +46097,6 @@ wonder. There are also those who believe that if you stick your fingers up
|
||||
your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence.
|
||||
-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII
|
||||
%
|
||||
"There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells and
|
||||
fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated pools here
|
||||
and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving them parched for
|
||||
wonder. There are also those who believe that if you stick your fingers up
|
||||
your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence."
|
||||
-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII
|
||||
%
|
||||
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.
|
||||
-- Benjamin Disraeli
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -46472,10 +46176,6 @@ and bad news. The good news is that these guys are in top form. I mean
|
||||
I have *never* heard them sound better. They are *wailing* up here."
|
||||
"The bad news is that God has this girlfriend that sings..."
|
||||
%
|
||||
There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good."
|
||||
And one says "This is new, and therefore better."
|
||||
-- John Brunner, "The Shockwave Rider"
|
||||
%
|
||||
There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good."
|
||||
And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"
|
||||
-- John Brunner, "The Shockwave Rider"
|
||||
@@ -47093,9 +46793,6 @@ Josh Gibson. Only one thing is keeping them out of the big leagues, the
|
||||
pigmentation of their skin. They happen to be colored.
|
||||
-- Shirley Povich, 1941
|
||||
%
|
||||
There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not
|
||||
a fence.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There's a fine line between courage and foolishness.
|
||||
Too bad it's not a fence.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -47155,17 +46852,10 @@ along -- quite gracefully.
|
||||
There's a whole WORLD in a mud puddle!
|
||||
-- Doug Clifford
|
||||
%
|
||||
There's always free cheese in a mouse trap.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There's always free cheese in a mousetrap.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There's been no top authority saying what marijuana does to you. I really
|
||||
don't know that much about it. I tried it once but it didn't do anything
|
||||
to me.
|
||||
-- John Wayne
|
||||
%
|
||||
There's been no top authority saying what marijuana does to you.
|
||||
I really don't know that much about it. I tried it once but it
|
||||
didn't do anything to me.
|
||||
@@ -48939,9 +48629,6 @@ Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only
|
||||
specification is that it should run noiselessly.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for
|
||||
which the only specification is that it should run noiselessly.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -49969,12 +49656,6 @@ socialism, because socialism is defunct. It dies all by itself. The bad
|
||||
thing is that socialism, being a victim of its ... Did I say socialism?
|
||||
-- Fidel Castro
|
||||
%
|
||||
We are going to give a little something, a few little years more, to
|
||||
socialism, because socialism is defunct. It dies all by itself. The
|
||||
bad thing is that socialism, being a victim of its...
|
||||
Did I say socialism?
|
||||
-- Fidel Castro
|
||||
%
|
||||
We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.
|
||||
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -51048,9 +50729,6 @@ What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?
|
||||
What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow
|
||||
in his footsteps?
|
||||
%
|
||||
What good is having someone who can walk
|
||||
on water if you don't follow in his footsteps?
|
||||
%
|
||||
What good is it if you talk in flowers, and they think in pastry?
|
||||
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -51580,10 +51258,6 @@ When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the
|
||||
inattentions of one.
|
||||
-- Helen Rowland
|
||||
%
|
||||
When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions
|
||||
of many men for the inattentions of one.
|
||||
Helen Rowland
|
||||
%
|
||||
When a lion meets another with a louder roar,
|
||||
the first lion thinks the last a bore.
|
||||
-- G.B. Shaw
|
||||
@@ -52154,9 +51828,6 @@ When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"
|
||||
When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.
|
||||
-- Chinese proverb
|
||||
%
|
||||
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking
|
||||
about themselves.
|
||||
%
|
||||
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never
|
||||
talking about themselves.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -54144,11 +53815,6 @@ I met a man who wasn't there.
|
||||
He wasn't there again today --
|
||||
I think he's from the CIA.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Yesterday upon the stair
|
||||
I met a man who wasn't there.
|
||||
He wasn't there again today.
|
||||
I think he's from the CIA.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Ye've also got to remember that ... respectable people do the most
|
||||
astonishin' things to preserve their respectability. Thank God
|
||||
I'm not respectable.
|
||||
@@ -55359,11 +55025,6 @@ You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
|
||||
%
|
||||
You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.
|
||||
%
|
||||
You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the Abernetty family
|
||||
was first brought to my notice by the depth which the parsley had sunk into
|
||||
the butter upon a hot day.
|
||||
-- Sherlock Holmes
|
||||
%
|
||||
You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the Abernetty
|
||||
family was first brought to my notice by the |depth which the parsley
|
||||
had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.
|
||||
|
||||
File diff suppressed because it is too large
Load Diff
@@ -1,8 +1,8 @@
|
||||
A computer called Illiac4
|
||||
Had a rather tough bug in its core.
|
||||
It chewed up its cards
|
||||
And spewed yards and yards
|
||||
Of illegible tape on the floor.
|
||||
A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
|
||||
Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
|
||||
She found a good way
|
||||
To combine work and play:
|
||||
She sells C shells by the seashore.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A computer, to print out a fact,
|
||||
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
|
||||
@@ -11,6 +11,18 @@ Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
|
||||
If the input was short of exact.
|
||||
-- Gigo
|
||||
%
|
||||
A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
|
||||
And had an affair with a Saracen.
|
||||
She was not oversexed,
|
||||
Or jealous or vexed,
|
||||
She just wanted to make a comparison.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A dozen, a gross, and a score,
|
||||
Plus three times the square root of four,
|
||||
Divided by seven,
|
||||
Plus five times eleven,
|
||||
Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
|
||||
Wished to foster an aura of menace;
|
||||
To make people afraid
|
||||
@@ -24,12 +36,24 @@ Was caught and convicted of rape.
|
||||
From which, to his woe
|
||||
He couldn't get out with ESC.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A limerick packs laughs anatomical
|
||||
Into space that is quite economical.
|
||||
But the good ones I've seen
|
||||
So seldom are clean,
|
||||
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A linguist thought it a farce
|
||||
That memory space was so sparse.
|
||||
One day they increased it.
|
||||
Said he as he seized it:
|
||||
"At last! Enough core for the parse".
|
||||
%
|
||||
A new dramatist of the absurd
|
||||
Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
|
||||
I learn from my spies
|
||||
He's about to devise
|
||||
An unprintable three-letter word.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A progressive professor named Winners
|
||||
Held classes each evening for sinners.
|
||||
They were graded and spaced
|
||||
@@ -42,9 +66,95 @@ Found programming UNIX a hurdle
|
||||
Ran as slow as did he,
|
||||
And that's not saying much for the turtle.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A wonderful bird is the pelican.
|
||||
His mouth can hold more than his belican.
|
||||
He can take in his beak
|
||||
Enough food for a week.
|
||||
And I'm darned if I know how the helican.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Despising machines to a man,
|
||||
The Luddites joined up with the Klan,
|
||||
And ride out by night
|
||||
In a sheeting of white
|
||||
To lynch all the robots they can.
|
||||
-- C. M. and G. A. Maxson
|
||||
%
|
||||
Flappity, floppity, flip
|
||||
The mouse on the m"obius strip;
|
||||
The strip revolved,
|
||||
The mouse dissolved
|
||||
In a chronodimensional skip.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
|
||||
It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
|
||||
Or some joker who is slicker,
|
||||
Will trick you of your liquor,
|
||||
If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Limericks are art forms complex,
|
||||
Their topics run chiefly to sex.
|
||||
They usually have virgins,
|
||||
And masculine urgin's,
|
||||
And other erotic effects.
|
||||
%
|
||||
System/3! System/3!
|
||||
See how it runs! See how it runs!
|
||||
Its monitor loses so totally!
|
||||
It runs all its programs in RPG!
|
||||
It's made by our favorite monopoly!
|
||||
System/3!
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was a girl named Irene
|
||||
Who lived on distilled kerosene
|
||||
But she started absorbin'
|
||||
A new hydrocarbon
|
||||
And since then has never benzene.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was a member of Mensa
|
||||
Who was a most excellent fencer.
|
||||
The sword that he used
|
||||
Was his -- (line is refused,
|
||||
And has now been removed by the censor).
|
||||
%
|
||||
There once was an old man from Esser,
|
||||
Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
|
||||
It at last grew so small,
|
||||
He knew nothing at all,
|
||||
And now he's a College Professor.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young lady from Hyde
|
||||
Who ate a green apple and died.
|
||||
While her lover lamented
|
||||
The apple fermented
|
||||
And made cider inside her inside.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young lady from Niger
|
||||
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
|
||||
They returned from the ride
|
||||
With the lady inside,
|
||||
And the smile on the face of the tiger.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young man who said "God,
|
||||
I find it exceedingly odd,
|
||||
That the willow oak tree
|
||||
Continues to be,
|
||||
When there's no one about in the Quad."
|
||||
|
||||
"Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd,
|
||||
For I'm always about in the Quad;
|
||||
And that's why the tree,
|
||||
Continues to be,"
|
||||
Signed "Yours faithfully, God."
|
||||
%
|
||||
There was a young poet named Dan,
|
||||
Whose poetry never would scan.
|
||||
When told this was so,
|
||||
He said, "Yes, I know.
|
||||
It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can."
|
||||
%
|
||||
A computer called Illiac4
|
||||
Had a rather tough bug in its core.
|
||||
It chewed up its cards
|
||||
And spewed yards and yards
|
||||
Of illegible tape on the floor.
|
||||
%
|
||||
|
||||
File diff suppressed because it is too large
Load Diff
@@ -1,11 +1,12 @@
|
||||
|
||||
%____ __ _ ____ __ __ ___ ___ ___
|
||||
___ / | / /__ _/ /_ / |/ __\ / _ |
|
||||
__ / |/ // _\/_ _/ / ' / \_ \ / / /
|
||||
_ / /| // __/ / /_ / , | __/ // / ,/
|
||||
/_/ |__/_\__/__\__//___/__\__//___'
|
||||
-- Greywolf
|
||||
%
|
||||
#netbsd - where monks recite their internal dialogue while debugging.
|
||||
-- Bernhard Riedel
|
||||
%
|
||||
- What's up?
|
||||
- All the NetBSD servers, of course..
|
||||
-- Gavan Fantom
|
||||
@@ -48,6 +49,13 @@ http://www.imrryr.org/NetBSD/logo
|
||||
I didn't get where I am today without using NetBSD
|
||||
-- Dave Tyson
|
||||
%
|
||||
I held off from Uni until NetBSD came out.
|
||||
I decided, ``if there's no NetBSD then I'll just flip burgers''
|
||||
-- Roland Dowdeswell
|
||||
%
|
||||
If it isn't possible with NetBSD, it isn't worth doing.
|
||||
-- Petter "Nosfisk" Lindquist
|
||||
%
|
||||
My other computer runs NetBSD
|
||||
-- Allen Briggs
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -84,12 +92,18 @@ NetBSD - hackers tested, mom approved
|
||||
NetBSD - here today and in the middle of 2038 tomorrow.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - love all, serve all.
|
||||
-- Silke Mueller
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - Mach 3 stealthOS, undetectable by media radar.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - more is more.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - no propaganda in the default system, in more than 10 years!
|
||||
-- Jaromir Dolecek
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD: No Windows or Gates, but lots of doors, portals and tunnels.
|
||||
-- Greywolf
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -530,14 +544,3 @@ Young or old; cutting edge or yesterday's NeWS, NetBSD is the UNIX for you.
|
||||
It can be a hulking monster in your basement, or fit in the palm
|
||||
of your hand.
|
||||
-- Richard Rauch
|
||||
%
|
||||
#netbsd - where monks recite their internal dialogue while debugging.
|
||||
-- Bernhard Riedel
|
||||
%
|
||||
I held off from Uni until NetBSD came out.
|
||||
I decided, ``if there's no NetBSD then I'll just flip burgers''
|
||||
-- Roland Dowdeswell
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - love all, serve all.
|
||||
-- Silke Mueller
|
||||
%
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -1,46 +1,3 @@
|
||||
Never mind the bollocks, here's NetBSD.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD: Unix With Balls.
|
||||
-- Andrew Gillham
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD, stupid.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD: No Sh;t!
|
||||
-- Andrew Gillham
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD: More Ports That A Cheap Whore
|
||||
-- Andrew Gillham
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD long theme: "Eat a queer fetus for Jesus, and run NetBSD!"
|
||||
-- Mason Loring Bliss
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD logo: Kiss-painted (w/tongue) Beastie stabbing a pitchfork
|
||||
through a bloodied and obviously-in-horrible-pain Tux.
|
||||
-- Mason Loring Bliss
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD: better for your uptime than Viagra.
|
||||
-- Daniel Carosone
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - we're on a mission from Hell.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - We put the OS in OrgaSm.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - the semen in the money shot.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - Multiple Architectures lead to Multiple Orgasms.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - more ports than a Norwegian crack whore.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - Bits for Tits.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
Anagrams for NetBSD core team:
|
||||
Strobe mased net
|
||||
Strobe mased ten
|
||||
@@ -49,3 +6,48 @@ Anagrams for NetBSD core team:
|
||||
Cremate no debts
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - Bits for Tits.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - Multiple Architectures lead to Multiple Orgasms.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - We put the OS in OrgaSm.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - We sell rope.
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - more ports than a Norwegian crack whore.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - the semen in the money shot.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD - we're on a mission from Hell.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD logo: Kiss-painted (w/tongue) Beastie stabbing a pitchfork
|
||||
through a bloodied and obviously-in-horrible-pain Tux.
|
||||
-- Mason Loring Bliss
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD long theme: "Eat a queer fetus for Jesus, and run NetBSD!"
|
||||
-- Mason Loring Bliss
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD, stupid.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD: More Ports That A Cheap Whore
|
||||
-- Andrew Gillham
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD: No Sh;t!
|
||||
-- Andrew Gillham
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD: Unix With Balls.
|
||||
-- Andrew Gillham
|
||||
%
|
||||
NetBSD: better for your uptime than Viagra.
|
||||
-- Daniel Carosone
|
||||
%
|
||||
Never mind the bollocks, here's NetBSD.
|
||||
-- Julian Assange
|
||||
%
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -170,7 +170,7 @@ He's dead, Jim
|
||||
History tends to exaggerate.
|
||||
-- Col. Green, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.4
|
||||
%
|
||||
Humans do claim a great deal for that particular emotion (love).
|
||||
Humans do claim a great deal for that particular emotion [love].
|
||||
-- Spock, "The Lights of Zetar", stardate 5725.6
|
||||
%
|
||||
I am pleased to see that we have differences. May we together become
|
||||
@@ -386,7 +386,7 @@ advice without necessarily having to take it.
|
||||
-- Kirk, "Dagger of the Mind", stardate 2715.2
|
||||
%
|
||||
Only a fool fights in a burning house.
|
||||
-- Kank the Klingon, "Day of the Dove", stardate unknown
|
||||
-- Kang the Klingon, "Day of the Dove", stardate unknown
|
||||
%
|
||||
Our missions are peaceful -- not for conquest. When we do battle, it
|
||||
is only because we have no choice.
|
||||
@@ -472,6 +472,7 @@ The joys of love made her human and the agonies of love destroyed her.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The man on tops walks a lonely street; the "chain" of command is often
|
||||
a noose.
|
||||
-- McCoy, "The Conscience of the King," stardate 2818.9
|
||||
%
|
||||
The more complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of
|
||||
play.
|
||||
@@ -493,7 +494,7 @@ deeply -- life in every form from fetus to developed being.
|
||||
to know each other.
|
||||
-- Kirk, "Elaan of Troyius", stardate 4372.5
|
||||
%
|
||||
"The release of emotion is what keeps us health. Emotionally healthy."
|
||||
"The release of emotion is what keeps us healthy. Emotionally healthy."
|
||||
|
||||
"That may be, Doctor. However, I have noted that the healthy release
|
||||
of emotion is frequently unhealthy for those closest to you."
|
||||
@@ -628,7 +629,7 @@ We have phasers, I vote we blast 'em!
|
||||
-- Bailey, "The Corbomite Maneuver", stardate 1514.2
|
||||
%
|
||||
"We have the right to survive!"
|
||||
"Not be killing others."
|
||||
"Not by killing others."
|
||||
-- Deela and Kirk, "Wink of An Eye", stardate 5710.5
|
||||
%
|
||||
We Klingons believe as you do -- the sick should die. Only the strong
|
||||
@@ -655,7 +656,7 @@ What kind of love is that? Not to be loved; never to have shown love.
|
||||
"There are no good ways."
|
||||
-- Sulu and Kirk, "That Which Survives", stardate unknown
|
||||
%
|
||||
When a child is taught ... its programmed with simple instructions --
|
||||
When a child is taught ... it's programmed with simple instructions --
|
||||
and at some point, if its mind develops properly, it exceeds the sum of
|
||||
what it was taught, thinks independently.
|
||||
-- Dr. Richard Daystrom, "The Ultimate Computer",
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -24,7 +24,7 @@ Gothos
|
||||
Hag
|
||||
Hedford
|
||||
Hodin
|
||||
Kank
|
||||
Kang
|
||||
Kanuto
|
||||
Kelinda
|
||||
Kelvan
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
|
||||
A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!!
|
||||
A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAIQUIRI!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -9,6 +9,8 @@ with LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight??
|
||||
%
|
||||
Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Adopt my lifestyle or I'll have to press charges.
|
||||
%
|
||||
All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
|
||||
by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -48,6 +50,8 @@ MONTALBAN'S HAIR!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER?
|
||||
%
|
||||
Are we having fun yet?
|
||||
%
|
||||
Are we live or on tape?
|
||||
%
|
||||
Are we on STRIKE yet?
|
||||
@@ -111,7 +115,7 @@ LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!! JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!!
|
||||
CONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about
|
||||
DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE??
|
||||
%
|
||||
Content: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRONi ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds
|
||||
Content: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRON ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds
|
||||
TARTAR SAUCE like an 8" by 10" GLOSSY ...
|
||||
%
|
||||
Could I have a drug overdose?
|
||||
@@ -133,7 +137,7 @@ DIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL?
|
||||
%
|
||||
Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo?
|
||||
%
|
||||
Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running
|
||||
Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahyde pipeline running
|
||||
straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the
|
||||
dollar!
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -193,6 +197,8 @@ for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!!
|
||||
Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my
|
||||
gothic solarium!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Frivolity is a stern taskmaster.
|
||||
%
|
||||
FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS ...
|
||||
%
|
||||
FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!!
|
||||
@@ -227,7 +233,7 @@ He is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him --
|
||||
%
|
||||
He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me
|
||||
like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd like to
|
||||
PSYCHOLIGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING
|
||||
PSYCHOLOGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING
|
||||
MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess I should call AL PACINO!
|
||||
%
|
||||
HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!
|
||||
@@ -288,7 +294,7 @@ MOUSTACHE ... Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates SINCERITY,
|
||||
HONESTY & WARMTH? It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take HOME and introduce
|
||||
to NANCY SINATRA!
|
||||
%
|
||||
How many retured bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL
|
||||
How many retired bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL
|
||||
SHARPENERS right NOW??
|
||||
%
|
||||
How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS??
|
||||
@@ -317,6 +323,8 @@ I am NOT a nut....
|
||||
%
|
||||
I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I believe in wash fulfillment.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!!
|
||||
@@ -351,7 +359,7 @@ I feel better about world problems now!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSCHEV ...
|
||||
I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV ...
|
||||
%
|
||||
I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -410,6 +418,10 @@ I invented skydiving in 1989!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I joined scientology at a garage sale!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I just accepted provolone into my life.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I just forgot my Social Security number.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker ... But now I can't remember WHO he
|
||||
@@ -477,6 +489,8 @@ MISAPPREHENSIONS ...
|
||||
I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STORY WINDOW while
|
||||
reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I think I'm having a mid-week crisis.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I think my career is ruined!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the HIGH
|
||||
@@ -484,11 +498,13 @@ RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I want a mega-meal in a mega-mall.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I want a WESSON OIL lease!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I want another RE-WRITE on my CEASAR SALAD!!
|
||||
I want another RE-WRITE on my CAESAR SALAD!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n
|
||||
secure!!
|
||||
@@ -505,8 +521,6 @@ I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
... I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space ...
|
||||
%
|
||||
I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!!
|
||||
@@ -554,6 +568,8 @@ SONTAG!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I'm afraid! I need something in a heavy cream sauce.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I'm also against BODY-SURFING!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!!
|
||||
@@ -695,6 +711,8 @@ If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun!
|
||||
If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry
|
||||
Bonzo??
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you can't say something nice, say something surrealistic.
|
||||
%
|
||||
In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a "Continental
|
||||
Belt," for $10.99!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -773,7 +791,7 @@ ASHTRAYS ...
|
||||
%
|
||||
Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ...
|
||||
%
|
||||
Let's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!!
|
||||
Let's all show human CONCERN for REVEREND MOON's legal difficulties!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories!
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -803,7 +821,7 @@ Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE --
|
||||
%
|
||||
MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician!
|
||||
%
|
||||
MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION!
|
||||
MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the
|
||||
shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a
|
||||
@@ -822,6 +840,8 @@ My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!!
|
||||
My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off ... It has noiseless DOZE
|
||||
FUNCTION and full kitchen!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
My boxer shorts just went on a rampage through a Long Island bowling alley.
|
||||
%
|
||||
My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New
|
||||
York!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -868,6 +888,8 @@ NEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Nobody brings small problems into a laundromat.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Not SENSUOUS ... only "FROLICSOME" ... and in need of DENTAL WORK ...
|
||||
in PAIN!!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -884,7 +906,7 @@ BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!!
|
||||
Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World
|
||||
War II!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beatiful, round wives of
|
||||
Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beautiful, round wives of
|
||||
HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached
|
||||
by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT ...
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -975,11 +997,15 @@ PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Reality distorts my sense of television.
|
||||
%
|
||||
RELATIVES!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by
|
||||
prescription!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Remote keyless entry, remote keyless entry, remote keyless entry!
|
||||
%
|
||||
RHAPSODY in Glue!
|
||||
%
|
||||
SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright blue LEG WARMERS
|
||||
@@ -1116,6 +1142,8 @@ Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
TONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN??
|
||||
%
|
||||
Treasure your spin cycle.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader
|
||||
frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend?
|
||||
%
|
||||
@@ -1135,6 +1163,8 @@ Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE!
|
||||
%
|
||||
VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Virtual reality isn't what it used to be.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and
|
||||
TAX-DEFERRED!
|
||||
%
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -24,7 +24,7 @@ Carlsbad
|
||||
Clift
|
||||
Cosell
|
||||
Cupcake
|
||||
DAQUIRI
|
||||
DAIQUIRI
|
||||
DELI
|
||||
DIDI
|
||||
DISCO
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
|
||||
.\" $NetBSD: fortune.6,v 1.9 2002/09/26 18:32:01 wiz Exp $
|
||||
.\" $NetBSD: fortune.6,v 1.10 2003/08/07 09:37:13 agc Exp $
|
||||
.\"
|
||||
.\" Copyright (c) 1985, 1991, 1993
|
||||
.\" The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
|
||||
@@ -14,11 +14,7 @@
|
||||
.\" 2. Redistributions in binary form must reproduce the above copyright
|
||||
.\" notice, this list of conditions and the following disclaimer in the
|
||||
.\" documentation and/or other materials provided with the distribution.
|
||||
.\" 3. All advertising materials mentioning features or use of this software
|
||||
.\" must display the following acknowledgement:
|
||||
.\" This product includes software developed by the University of
|
||||
.\" California, Berkeley and its contributors.
|
||||
.\" 4. Neither the name of the University nor the names of its contributors
|
||||
.\" 3. Neither the name of the University nor the names of its contributors
|
||||
.\" may be used to endorse or promote products derived from this software
|
||||
.\" without specific prior written permission.
|
||||
.\"
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
|
||||
/* $NetBSD: fortune.c,v 1.38 2002/11/24 18:03:14 christos Exp $ */
|
||||
/* $NetBSD: fortune.c,v 1.39 2003/08/07 09:37:14 agc Exp $ */
|
||||
|
||||
/*-
|
||||
* Copyright (c) 1986, 1993
|
||||
@@ -15,11 +15,7 @@
|
||||
* 2. Redistributions in binary form must reproduce the above copyright
|
||||
* notice, this list of conditions and the following disclaimer in the
|
||||
* documentation and/or other materials provided with the distribution.
|
||||
* 3. All advertising materials mentioning features or use of this software
|
||||
* must display the following acknowledgement:
|
||||
* This product includes software developed by the University of
|
||||
* California, Berkeley and its contributors.
|
||||
* 4. Neither the name of the University nor the names of its contributors
|
||||
* 3. Neither the name of the University nor the names of its contributors
|
||||
* may be used to endorse or promote products derived from this software
|
||||
* without specific prior written permission.
|
||||
*
|
||||
@@ -46,7 +42,7 @@ __COPYRIGHT("@(#) Copyright (c) 1986, 1993\n\
|
||||
#if 0
|
||||
static char sccsid[] = "@(#)fortune.c 8.1 (Berkeley) 5/31/93";
|
||||
#else
|
||||
__RCSID("$NetBSD: fortune.c,v 1.38 2002/11/24 18:03:14 christos Exp $");
|
||||
__RCSID("$NetBSD: fortune.c,v 1.39 2003/08/07 09:37:14 agc Exp $");
|
||||
#endif
|
||||
#endif /* not lint */
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -327,7 +323,7 @@ fortlen()
|
||||
char line[BUFSIZ];
|
||||
|
||||
if (!(Fortfile->tbl.str_flags & (STR_RANDOM | STR_ORDERED)))
|
||||
nchar = (Seekpts[1] - Seekpts[0] <= SLEN);
|
||||
nchar = Seekpts[1] - Seekpts[0];
|
||||
else {
|
||||
open_fp(Fortfile);
|
||||
(void) fseek(Fortfile->inf, (long)Seekpts[0], SEEK_SET);
|
||||
@@ -947,7 +943,7 @@ init_prob()
|
||||
errx(1, "Probabilities sum to %d%%!", percent);
|
||||
else if (percent < 100 && num_noprob == 0)
|
||||
errx(1, "No place to put residual probability (%d%%)",
|
||||
percent);
|
||||
100 - percent);
|
||||
else if (percent == 100 && num_noprob != 0)
|
||||
errx(1, "No probability left to put in residual files");
|
||||
percent = 100 - percent;
|
||||
@@ -956,7 +952,7 @@ init_prob()
|
||||
if (num_noprob > 1) {
|
||||
frac = percent / num_noprob;
|
||||
DPRINTF(1, (stderr, ", frac = %d%%", frac));
|
||||
for (fp = File_list; fp != last; fp = fp->next)
|
||||
for (fp = File_tail; fp != last; fp = fp->prev)
|
||||
if (fp->percent == NO_PROB) {
|
||||
fp->percent = frac;
|
||||
percent -= frac;
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
|
||||
/* $NetBSD: pathnames.h,v 1.3 1995/03/23 08:28:42 cgd Exp $ */
|
||||
/* $NetBSD: pathnames.h,v 1.4 2003/08/07 09:37:14 agc Exp $ */
|
||||
|
||||
/*-
|
||||
* Copyright (c) 1991, 1993
|
||||
@@ -12,11 +12,7 @@
|
||||
* 2. Redistributions in binary form must reproduce the above copyright
|
||||
* notice, this list of conditions and the following disclaimer in the
|
||||
* documentation and/or other materials provided with the distribution.
|
||||
* 3. All advertising materials mentioning features or use of this software
|
||||
* must display the following acknowledgement:
|
||||
* This product includes software developed by the University of
|
||||
* California, Berkeley and its contributors.
|
||||
* 4. Neither the name of the University nor the names of its contributors
|
||||
* 3. Neither the name of the University nor the names of its contributors
|
||||
* may be used to endorse or promote products derived from this software
|
||||
* without specific prior written permission.
|
||||
*
|
||||
@@ -35,4 +31,4 @@
|
||||
* @(#)pathnames.h 8.1 (Berkeley) 5/31/93
|
||||
*/
|
||||
|
||||
#define FORTDIR "@sharedir@"
|
||||
#define FORTDIR "@fortune_dir@"
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
|
||||
.\" $NetBSD: strfile.8,v 1.10 2002/09/26 18:32:01 wiz Exp $
|
||||
.\" $NetBSD: strfile.8,v 1.11 2003/08/07 09:37:14 agc Exp $
|
||||
.\"
|
||||
.\" Copyright (c) 1989, 1991, 1993
|
||||
.\" The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
|
||||
@@ -14,11 +14,7 @@
|
||||
.\" 2. Redistributions in binary form must reproduce the above copyright
|
||||
.\" notice, this list of conditions and the following disclaimer in the
|
||||
.\" documentation and/or other materials provided with the distribution.
|
||||
.\" 3. All advertising materials mentioning features or use of this software
|
||||
.\" must display the following acknowledgement:
|
||||
.\" This product includes software developed by the University of
|
||||
.\" California, Berkeley and its contributors.
|
||||
.\" 4. Neither the name of the University nor the names of its contributors
|
||||
.\" 3. Neither the name of the University nor the names of its contributors
|
||||
.\" may be used to endorse or promote products derived from this software
|
||||
.\" without specific prior written permission.
|
||||
.\"
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
|
||||
/* $NetBSD: strfile.c,v 1.21 2001/07/22 13:34:00 wiz Exp $ */
|
||||
/* $NetBSD: strfile.c,v 1.22 2003/08/07 09:37:14 agc Exp $ */
|
||||
|
||||
/*-
|
||||
* Copyright (c) 1989, 1993
|
||||
@@ -15,11 +15,7 @@
|
||||
* 2. Redistributions in binary form must reproduce the above copyright
|
||||
* notice, this list of conditions and the following disclaimer in the
|
||||
* documentation and/or other materials provided with the distribution.
|
||||
* 3. All advertising materials mentioning features or use of this software
|
||||
* must display the following acknowledgement:
|
||||
* This product includes software developed by the University of
|
||||
* California, Berkeley and its contributors.
|
||||
* 4. Neither the name of the University nor the names of its contributors
|
||||
* 3. Neither the name of the University nor the names of its contributors
|
||||
* may be used to endorse or promote products derived from this software
|
||||
* without specific prior written permission.
|
||||
*
|
||||
@@ -47,7 +43,7 @@ __COPYRIGHT("@(#) Copyright (c) 1989, 1993\n\
|
||||
#if 0
|
||||
static char sccsid[] = "@(#)strfile.c 8.1 (Berkeley) 5/31/93";
|
||||
#else
|
||||
__RCSID("$NetBSD: strfile.c,v 1.21 2001/07/22 13:34:00 wiz Exp $");
|
||||
__RCSID("$NetBSD: strfile.c,v 1.22 2003/08/07 09:37:14 agc Exp $");
|
||||
#endif
|
||||
#endif /* not lint */
|
||||
#endif /* __NetBSD__ */
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
|
||||
/* $NetBSD: strfile.h,v 1.5 1999/12/30 01:26:44 simonb Exp $ */
|
||||
/* $NetBSD: strfile.h,v 1.6 2003/08/07 09:37:15 agc Exp $ */
|
||||
|
||||
/*-
|
||||
* Copyright (c) 1991, 1993
|
||||
@@ -15,11 +15,7 @@
|
||||
* 2. Redistributions in binary form must reproduce the above copyright
|
||||
* notice, this list of conditions and the following disclaimer in the
|
||||
* documentation and/or other materials provided with the distribution.
|
||||
* 3. All advertising materials mentioning features or use of this software
|
||||
* must display the following acknowledgement:
|
||||
* This product includes software developed by the University of
|
||||
* California, Berkeley and its contributors.
|
||||
* 4. Neither the name of the University nor the names of its contributors
|
||||
* 3. Neither the name of the University nor the names of its contributors
|
||||
* may be used to endorse or promote products derived from this software
|
||||
* without specific prior written permission.
|
||||
*
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
|
||||
/* $NetBSD: unstr.c,v 1.7 1999/09/18 19:38:50 jsm Exp $ */
|
||||
/* $NetBSD: unstr.c,v 1.8 2003/08/07 09:37:15 agc Exp $ */
|
||||
|
||||
/*-
|
||||
* Copyright (c) 1991, 1993
|
||||
@@ -15,11 +15,7 @@
|
||||
* 2. Redistributions in binary form must reproduce the above copyright
|
||||
* notice, this list of conditions and the following disclaimer in the
|
||||
* documentation and/or other materials provided with the distribution.
|
||||
* 3. All advertising materials mentioning features or use of this software
|
||||
* must display the following acknowledgement:
|
||||
* This product includes software developed by the University of
|
||||
* California, Berkeley and its contributors.
|
||||
* 4. Neither the name of the University nor the names of its contributors
|
||||
* 3. Neither the name of the University nor the names of its contributors
|
||||
* may be used to endorse or promote products derived from this software
|
||||
* without specific prior written permission.
|
||||
*
|
||||
@@ -46,7 +42,7 @@ __COPYRIGHT("@(#) Copyright (c) 1991, 1993\n\
|
||||
#if 0
|
||||
static char sccsid[] = "@(#)unstr.c 8.1 (Berkeley) 5/31/93";
|
||||
#else
|
||||
__RCSID("$NetBSD: unstr.c,v 1.7 1999/09/18 19:38:50 jsm Exp $");
|
||||
__RCSID("$NetBSD: unstr.c,v 1.8 2003/08/07 09:37:15 agc Exp $");
|
||||
#endif
|
||||
#endif /* not lint */
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
Reference in New Issue
Block a user