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59
fortune/datfiles/Makefile.bsd
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@@ -1,59 +0,0 @@
# $NetBSD: Makefile,v 1.20 1997/10/10 13:04:33 lukem Exp $
# @(#)Makefile 8.2 (Berkeley) 4/19/94
.include <bsd.own.mk> # for INSTALL_OFFENSIVE_FORTUNES
SRCFILES= fortunes fortunes2 startrek zippy
DATFILES= fortunes.dat fortunes2.dat startrek.dat zippy.dat \
fortunes-o fortunes-o.dat fortunes2-o fortunes2-o.dat \
limerick limerick.dat
# TO AVOID INSTALLING THE POTENTIALLY OFFENSIVE FORTUNES, RUN 'make' with
# "INSTALL_OFFENSIVE_FORTUNES=NO", or set "INSTALL_OFFENSIVE_FORTUNES=NO"
# IN bsd.own.mk OR /etc/mk.conf.
INSTALL_OFFENSIVE_FORTUNES?= YES
.if (${INSTALL_OFFENSIVE_FORTUNES} == "YES")
TYPE= real
.else
TYPE= fake
.endif
CLEANFILES+=${DATFILES}
STRFILE!=cd $(.CURDIR)/../strfile; \
printf "xxx: .MAKE\n\t@echo \$${.OBJDIR}/strfile\n" | ${MAKE} -s -f-
FILES=${SRCFILES} ${DATFILES}
FILESDIR=/usr/share/games/fortune
all: ${DATFILES}
# Normal fortunes: build directly from data files.
fortunes.dat fortunes2.dat startrek.dat zippy.dat:
${STRFILE} -rs ${.CURDIR}/${.TARGET:R} ${.TARGET}
fortunes.dat: fortunes
fortunes2.dat: fortunes2
startrek.dat: startrek
zippy.dat: zippy
# Obscene fortunes: we have to build source and data files
fortunes-o: fortunes-o.${TYPE}
tr [a-zA-Z] [n-za-mN-ZA-M] < ${.ALLSRC} > ${.TARGET}
fortunes-o.dat: fortunes-o
${STRFILE} -rsx ${.ALLSRC} ${.TARGET}
fortunes2-o: fortunes2-o.${TYPE}
tr [a-zA-Z] [n-za-mN-ZA-M] < ${.ALLSRC} > ${.TARGET}
fortunes2-o.dat: fortunes2-o
${STRFILE} -rsx ${.ALLSRC} ${.TARGET}
limerick: limerick.${TYPE}
tr [a-zA-Z] [n-za-mN-ZA-M] < ${.ALLSRC} > ${.TARGET}
limerick.dat: limerick
${STRFILE} -rsx ${.ALLSRC} ${.TARGET}
.include <bsd.prog.mk>

54
fortune/datfiles/Makefrag
View File

@@ -1,23 +1,53 @@
# Makefrag - makefile fragment for fortune/datfiles
#
# Copyright (c) 1997, 1998, 1999 Joseph Samuel Myers.
# All rights reserved.
#
# Redistribution and use in source and binary forms, with or without
# modification, are permitted provided that the following conditions
# are met:
# 1. Redistributions of source code must retain the above copyright
# notice, this list of conditions and the following disclaimer.
# 2. Redistributions in binary form must reproduce the above copyright
# notice, this list of conditions and the following disclaimer in the
# documentation and/or other materials provided with the distribution.
# 3. The name of the author may not be used to endorse or promote products
# derived from this software without specific prior written permission.
#
# THIS SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED BY THE AUTHOR ``AS IS'' AND ANY EXPRESS OR
# IMPLIED WARRANTIES, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES
# OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE ARE DISCLAIMED.
# IN NO EVENT SHALL THE AUTHOR BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT,
# INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, EXEMPLARY, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES (INCLUDING,
# BUT NOT LIMITED TO, PROCUREMENT OF SUBSTITUTE GOODS OR SERVICES;
# LOSS OF USE, DATA, OR PROFITS; OR BUSINESS INTERRUPTION) HOWEVER CAUSED
# AND ON ANY THEORY OF LIABILITY, WHETHER IN CONTRACT, STRICT LIABILITY,
# OR TORT (INCLUDING NEGLIGENCE OR OTHERWISE) ARISING IN ANY WAY
# OUT OF THE USE OF THIS SOFTWARE, EVEN IF ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF
# SUCH DAMAGE.
fortune_datfiles_DATFILES := fortunes.dat fortunes2.dat startrek.dat zippy.dat
fortune_datfiles_DATFILES_off := fortunes-o.dat fortunes2-o.dat limerick.dat
fortune_datfiles_GENSRCFILES := fortunes-o fortunes2-o limerick
fortune_datfiles_SRCFILES := fortunes fortunes2 startrek zippy
fortune_datfiles_DATFILES := farber.dat fortunes.dat fortunes2.dat limerick.dat startrek.dat zippy.dat
fortune_datfiles_DATFILES_off := fortunes-o.dat fortunes2-o.dat limerick-o.dat unamerican-o.dat
fortune_datfiles_GENSRCFILES := fortunes-o fortunes2-o limerick-o unamerican-o
fortune_datfiles_SRCFILES := farber fortunes fortunes2 limerick startrek zippy
fortune_datfiles_DATFILESp := fortune/datfiles/fortunes.dat \
fortune/datfiles/fortunes2.dat fortune/datfiles/startrek.dat \
fortune_datfiles_DATFILESp := fortune/datfiles/farber.dat \
fortune/datfiles/fortunes.dat fortune/datfiles/fortunes2.dat \
fortune/datfiles/limerick.dat fortune/datfiles/startrek.dat \
fortune/datfiles/zippy.dat
fortune_datfiles_DATFILES_offp := fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.dat \
fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o.dat fortune/datfiles/limerick.dat
fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o.dat fortune/datfiles/limerick-o.dat \
fortune/datfiles/unamerican-o.dat
fortune_datfiles_GENSRCFILESp := fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o \
fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o fortune/datfiles/limerick
fortune_datfiles_SRCFILESp := fortune/datfiles/fortunes \
fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 fortune/datfiles/startrek \
fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o fortune/datfiles/limerick-o \
fortune/datfiles/unamerican-o
fortune_datfiles_SRCFILESp := fortune/datfiles/farber \
fortune/datfiles/fortunes fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 \
fortune/datfiles/limerick fortune/datfiles/startrek \
fortune/datfiles/zippy
fortune_datfiles_CLEANFILES := $(fortune_datfiles_DATFILES) $(fortune_datfiles_DATFILES_off) $(fortune_datfiles_GENSRCFILES)
fortune_datfiles_DIRS := $(LIBDIR)/fortunes
fortune_datfiles_DIRS := $(SHAREDIR)/fortunes
fortune_datfiles_all: $(fortune_datfiles_DATFILESp) $(fortune_datfiles_DATFILES_offp) $(fortune_datfiles_SRCFILESp) $(fortune_datfiles_GENSRCFILESp)
@@ -26,7 +56,7 @@ fortune_datfiles_install: fortune_datfiles_all
$(fortune_datfiles_GENSRCFILES) $(fortune_datfiles_DATFILES) \
$(fortune_datfiles_DATFILES_off); do \
$(INSTALL_DATA) fortune/datfiles/$$f \
$(INSTALL_PREFIX)$(LIBDIR)/fortunes/$$f; \
$(INSTALL_PREFIX)$(SHAREDIR)/fortunes/$$f; \
done
$(fortune_datfiles_DATFILESp): fortune/datfiles/%.dat: fortune/datfiles/% fortune/strfile/strfile

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fortune/datfiles/fortunes
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211
fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real
View File

@@ -39,11 +39,11 @@ A mathematician named Hall
Has a hexahedronical ball,
And the cube of its weight
Times his pecker's, plus eight
Is his phone number -- give him a call..
Is his phone number -- give him a call.
%
"A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a
A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a
good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious
scruples and the police."
scruples and the police.
-- Mr. Dooley
%
A Nixon [is preferable to] a Dean Rusk -- who will be passionately
@@ -100,8 +100,8 @@ Was diddled three times in a hansome.
Her young man became sore
And exclaimed "My name's Simpson not Samson."
%
"A woman is like a dresser ... some man always goin' through her
drawers."
A woman is like a dresser ... some man always goin' through her
drawers.
-- Blind Lemon Pledge
%
A worried young man from Stamboul
@@ -114,9 +114,9 @@ A.I. hackers do it with robots.
%
Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
%
"Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western
Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western
religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of
Western science."
Western science.
-- Gary Zukav, "The Dancing Wu Li Masters"
%
Achilles' Biological Findings:
@@ -162,7 +162,7 @@ Corinthian, ionic, and doric.
%
An Army travels on her stomach.
%
An egg has the shortest sex-life of all: if gets laid once; it gets
An egg has the shortest sex-life of all: it gets laid once; it gets
eaten once. It also has to come in a box with 11 others, and the only
person who will sit on its face is its mother.
%
@@ -179,7 +179,7 @@ very selfhood revealed."
And Jesus replied, "What?"
%
... And then there's the guy who bought 20,000 bras, cut them in half,
and sold 40,000 yamalchas with chin straps ...
and sold 40,000 yamalchas with chin straps...
%
Anxiety, n.:
The first time you can't do it a second time.
@@ -193,9 +193,9 @@ Panic, n.:
"Einstein's mother must have been one heck of a physicist."
-- Joseph C. Wang
%
"Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons
Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons
released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and
enforcing tough emissions standards from man-made sources."
enforcing tough emissions standards from man-made sources.
-- Ronald Reagan
%
Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stagecoaches and the like was
@@ -215,12 +215,12 @@ collars.
%
Bankers do it with interest (penalty for early withdrawal).
%
"Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think
Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
(1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
(2) Advising the President.
(3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin."
(3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
-- David Letterman
%
Be prepared... that's the Boy Scout's solemn creed.
@@ -321,7 +321,7 @@ G's Third Law:
is composed of only two basic substances: magic and bullshit.
H's Dictum:
There is no magic ...
There is no magic...
%
Claude believed that only smart attractive people had the right to
fuck, and it sincerely hurt him when he discovered evidence to the
@@ -375,12 +375,12 @@ Voiced in reverent mumble:
But O God spare me Ronald Reagan!
-- Ansel Adams
%
"Dear Mr. Seldes: I cannot remember the exact wording of the statement
Dear Mr. Seldes: I cannot remember the exact wording of the statement
to which you allude; but what I meant was that ... a man who calls
himself a 100% American and is proud of it, is generally 150% an idiot
politically. But the designations may be good business for war
veterans. Having bled for their country in 1861 and 1918, they have
bled it all they could consequently. And why not?"
bled it all they could consequently. And why not?
-- George Seldes, "The Great Quotations"
%
Democracy can learn some things from Communism: for example, when a
@@ -394,7 +394,7 @@ Did you hear about the new German microwave oven?
... Seats 500.
%
Did you know that Spiro Agnew is an anagram of "Grow a Penis"
Did you know that Spiro Agnew is an anagram of "Grow a Penis"?
%
Did you know that there are 71.9 acres of nipple tissue in the U.S.?
%
@@ -426,7 +426,7 @@ Do something big -- fuck a giant
%
Doctors take two aspirin and do it in the morning.
%
"Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash."
Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash.
-- Bo Diddley
%
Dope will get you through times of no money better that money will get
@@ -469,8 +469,8 @@ male schlemiel.
%
Evangelists do it with Him watching.
%
"Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling
just a bit unchivalrous ..."
Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling
just a bit unchivalrous ...
-- Robert Benchley
%
Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of
@@ -510,19 +510,19 @@ punish him? Because George still had the axe in his hand.
Getting an education at the University of California is like having
$50.00 shoved up your ass, a nickel at a time.
%
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-- Mark Twain
%
"God built a compelling sex drive into every creature, no
God built a compelling sex drive into every creature, no
matter what style of fucking it practiced. He made sex irresistibly
pleasurable, wildly joyous, free from fears. He made it innocent
merriment.
"Needless to say, fucking was an immediate smash hit. Everyone
Needless to say, fucking was an immediate smash hit. Everyone
agreed, from aardvarks to zebras. All the jolly animals -- lions and
lambs, rhinoceroses and gazelles, skylarks and lobsters, even insects,
though most of them fuck only once in a lifetime -- fucked along
innocently and merrily for hundreds of millions of years. Maybe they
were dumb animals, but they knew a good thing when they had one."
were dumb animals, but they knew a good thing when they had one.
-- Alan Sherman, "The Rape of the A*P*E*"
%
God gives us relatives; thank goodness we can chose our friends.
@@ -545,9 +545,9 @@ GOD is applied POWER
"God is as real as I am," the old man said. My faith was restored, for
I knew that Santa would never lie.
%
"God is big, so don't fuck with him."
God is big, so don't fuck with him.
%
God isn't dead -- he's been busted
God isn't dead -- he's been busted.
%
God isn't dead, He's just trying to avoid the draft.
%
@@ -566,7 +566,7 @@ still talking about it."
%
Good day for water sports. Take a bath with a friend.
%
Grain grows best in shit
Grain grows best in shit.
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
%
Gravity is an unforgiving motherfucker.
@@ -606,7 +606,7 @@ Old Testament tell us, had intercourse with every creature before God
finally hit upon the idea of woman and created Eve.
-- R. E. Masters
%
"He could be a poster child for retroactive birth control."
He could be a poster child for retroactive birth control.
%
He hated to mend, so young Ned
Called in a cute neighbor instead.
@@ -625,7 +625,7 @@ damsels is not righteous, but he can have a lot more fun.
He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own
hands.
%
"He's not pining, he's passed on! This parrot won't squawk! He's
He's not pining, he's passed on! This parrot won't squawk! He's
ceased to be! He's expired, and gone to meet his maker! It's a
stiff! No breath of life, he may rest in peace! If you hadn't nailed
him to the perch, he'd be pushing up the daisies! He's off the twig!
@@ -657,7 +657,7 @@ that it was illegal and everybody should stop badgering the court about
it because the court was going to take a nap.
-- Dave Barry, "Pornography"
%
"Here's the holiday schedule for Monday's observation of Martin Luther
Here's the holiday schedule for Monday's observation of Martin Luther
King Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed:
* Governmental offices
@@ -667,19 +667,19 @@ King Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed:
* Banks
* Parts of Palm Beach
and the mind of Senator Jesse Helms of North Carolina."
and the mind of Senator Jesse Helms of North Carolina.
-- Dennis Miller, "Saturday Night Live"
%
History has the relation to truth that theology has to religion --
i.e., none to speak of.
-- Lazarus Long
%
"How do you like the new America? We've cut the fat out of the
How do you like the new America? We've cut the fat out of the
government, and more recently the heart and brain (the backbone was
gone some time ago). All we seem to have left now is muscle. We'll be
lucky to escape with our skins!"
lucky to escape with our skins!
%
Howard Cosell's biggest protrusion is his asshole
Howard Cosell's biggest protrusion is his asshole.
-- John Valby
%
Hugh Hefner is a virgin.
@@ -687,10 +687,10 @@ Hugh Hefner is a virgin.
I am an atheist, thank God!
%
I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it
once was ... an arctic wilderness
once was ... an arctic wilderness.
-- Steve Martin
%
I came; I saw; I fucked up
I came; I saw; I fucked up.
%
I have a funny daddy
Who goes in and out with me
@@ -710,7 +710,7 @@ In a long distance telephone booth.
Of an ideal connection
Even if somewhat uncouth.
%
"I own my own body, but I share"
I own my own body, but I share.
%
I realize that today you have a number of top female athletes such as
Martina Navratilova who can run like deer and bench-press Chevrolet
@@ -769,8 +769,8 @@ it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to be honored by the French
government -- I'd give it all up for one erection.
-- Groucho Marx
%
"I've had one child. My husband wants to have another. I'd like to
watch him have another."
I've had one child. My husband wants to have another. I'd like to
watch him have another.
%
If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair. If this doesn't
work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.
@@ -779,17 +779,17 @@ If all these sweet young things were laid end-to-end, I wouldn't be a
bit surprised.
-- Dorothy Parker
%
"If anyone wants to trade a couple of centrally located, well-cushioned
If anyone wants to trade a couple of centrally located, well-cushioned
showgirls for an eroded slope 90 minutes from Broadway, I'll be on this
corner tomorrow at 11 with my tongue hanging out."
corner tomorrow at 11 with my tongue hanging out.
-- S. J. Perelman
%
If clear thinking created sparks, we could safely store dynamite in
James Watt's office.
-- Wayne Shannon, KRON-TV
%
"If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10
apostles."
If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10
apostles.
%
If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
%
@@ -838,15 +838,15 @@ in the whole wide world, don't trust him. It means he experiments.
%
If you think sex is a pain in the ass, try different position.
%
"If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a
buzz-saw."
If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a
buzz-saw.
-- W. C. Fields
%
Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.
-- Robert Burton
%
"In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with
reality at any point."
In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with
reality at any point.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
%
In the beginning was the DEMO Project. And the Project was
@@ -880,8 +880,8 @@ There were only two boobs and he had 'em.
Incest, n.:
Sibling revelry.
%
"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time
someone writes `bible thumpers?'
Is it just me, or does anyone else read "bible humpers" every time
someone writes "bible thumpers?"
-- Joel M. Snyder, jms@mis.arizona.edu
%
It is a sad commentary on today's society that this fortune has to be
@@ -891,14 +891,14 @@ classified as "offensive" simply because it contains the word "fuck".
god is dumb, and maybe even a little ugly on the side."
-- Frank Zappa
%
"It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country. The
It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country. The
Greeks never said it was sweet to die for anything. They had no vital
lies."
lies.
-- Edith Hamilton, "The Greek Way"
%
Jesus died for your sins. Make it worth his time.
%
"Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!"
Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!
-- Daniel Hinojosa
%
Jesus was killed by a Moral Majority.
@@ -970,8 +970,8 @@ Megaton Man: "It is a MANDATE, and I am DUTY BOUND to OBEY!"
Missionary Position:
The missionary on top.
%
"Most legislators are so dumb that they couldn't pour piss out of a
boot if the instructions were printed on the heel."
Most legislators are so dumb that they couldn't pour piss out of a
boot if the instructions were printed on the heel.
%
Motto of the Electrical Engineer:
Working computer hardware is a lot like an erect penis: it
@@ -980,9 +980,9 @@ stays up as long as you don't fuck with it.
My brother-in-law has found a way to make ends meet. He goes around
with his head stuck up his ass.
%
"My country, right or wrong," is a thing that no patriot would think of
My country, right or wrong," is a thing that no patriot would think of
saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, "My mother,
drunk or sober."
drunk or sober.
-- G. K. Chesterton
%
My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my
@@ -1021,7 +1021,7 @@ No woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether
she will or will not be a mother.
-- Margaret H. Sanger
%
"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."
Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends.
-- Woody Allen
%
Nothing is better than Sex.
@@ -1045,7 +1045,7 @@ is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful sub-tribe of the
Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which
they are pleased to call "war" and "commerce." These, also, are the
principal industries of the Orient.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Ocean, n.:
A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for
@@ -1090,7 +1090,7 @@ productive life, my son. You take the parachute and leave me in God's
hands." "That's very kind of you," the observant scout replied, "but
there is no need. Reagan just jumped out with my knapsack."
%
"One Saturday afternoon, during the campaign to decide whether or not
One Saturday afternoon, during the campaign to decide whether or not
there should be a Coastal Commission, I took a helicopter ride from Los
Angeles to San Diego. We passed several state beaches, some crowded
and some virtually empty. They had the same facilities, and in some
@@ -1098,7 +1098,7 @@ cases the crowded and the empty beach were within a quarter mile of
each other. Obviously many beach-goers prefer to be crowded together.
Buying more beaches that people won't go to because they prefer to be
crowded together on one beach is a ridiculous waste of our natural
resources and our taxes."
resources and our taxes.
-- Ronald Reagan
%
One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has
@@ -1123,12 +1123,12 @@ probably would elect to save the infant's life, without ever
considering whether there were men on base.
-- Dave Barry, "Sports is a Drag"
%
"Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear -- kept us in
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear -- kept us in
a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor -- with the cry of grave
national emergency... Always there has been some terrible evil to
gobble us up if we did not blindly rally behind it by furnishing the
exorbitant sums demanded. Yet, in retrospect, these disasters seem
never to have happened, seem never to have been quite real."
never to have happened, seem never to have been quite real.
-- General Douglas MacArthur, 1957
%
Overheard in a bar:
@@ -1139,7 +1139,7 @@ People who develop the habit of thinking of themselves as world
citizens are fulfilling the first requirement of sanity in our time.
-- Norman Cousins
%
Physicists do it with charm
Physicists do it with charm.
%
Politicians do it to everyone.
%
@@ -1158,7 +1158,7 @@ Q: How do you play religious roulette?
A: You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck
by lightning first.
%
Q: How do you tell if an Elephant has been making love in your
Q: How do you tell if an elephant has been making love in your
backyard?
A: If all your trashcan liners are missing ...
%
@@ -1193,7 +1193,7 @@ Q: What is "SMOORPLAY"?
A: It's what SMURFS do before they SMUCK, of course!
%
Q: What is the worst story Helen Keller ever read?
A: A cheese grater
A: A cheese grater.
%
Q: What's Jewish foreplay?
A: Two hours of begging.
@@ -1207,13 +1207,13 @@ A: Ugly sheep.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other!
%
"Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in
Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in
exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday. Mannis feels he must
devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might emanate
from a recent statement he made comparing New York Mayor Ed Koch to
Nazi Martin Bormann. A spokesman from the Bormann estate said they are
weighing the odds of a slander suit. Mayor Koch could naturally be
reached for comment, but we chose not to listen."
reached for comment, but we chose not to listen.
-- Dennis Miller, "Saturday Night Live"
%
Randel, n.:
@@ -1222,7 +1222,7 @@ for farting at a friend.
-- Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure &
Preposterous Words
%
Reagan can't _a_c_t either
Reagan can't _a_c_t either.
%
Remember when you were a kid and the boys didn't like the girls? Only
sissies liked girls? What I'm trying to tell you is that nothing's
@@ -1263,7 +1263,7 @@ Said a horny young girl from Milpitas,
"My favorite sport is coitus."
But a fullback from State
Made her period late,
And now she has athlete's fetus
And now she has athlete's fetus.
%
Said a swinging young chick named Lyth
Whose virtue was largely a myth,
@@ -1335,12 +1335,12 @@ you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.
Sure, Reagan has promised to take senility tests. But what if he
forgets?
%
"Taxes should hurt. I just mailed my own tax return last night and I
am prepared to say `ouch!' as loud as anyone."
Taxes should hurt. I just mailed my own tax return last night and I
am prepared to say `ouch!' as loud as anyone.
-- Ronald Reagan
%
"The Army is a place where you get up early in the morning to be yelled
at by people with short haircuts and tiny brains."
The Army is a place where you get up early in the morning to be yelled
at by people with short haircuts and tiny brains.
-- Dave Barry
%
The big problem with pornography is defining it. You can't
@@ -1449,7 +1449,7 @@ and I can wash it as fast as I want!"
The Split-Atom Blues
Gimme Twinkies, gimme wine,
Gimme jeans by Calvin Kline ...
Gimme jeans by Calvin Klein ...
But if you split those atoms fine,
Mama keep 'em off those genes of mine!
@@ -1459,19 +1459,19 @@ Call the devil and sell my soul,
But Mama keep dem atoms whole!
-- Milo Bloom, "Bloom County"
%
"The State of California has no business subsidizing intellectual
curiosity."
The State of California has no business subsidizing intellectual
curiosity.
-- Ronald Reagan
%
The superpowers often behave like two heavily armed blind men feeling
their way around a room, each believing himself in mortal peril from
the other, whom he assumes to have perfect vision. Each tends to
ascribe to the other side a consistency, forsight and coherence that
ascribe to the other side a consistency, foresight and coherence that
its own experience belies. Of course, even two blind men can do
enormous damage to each other, not to speak of the room.
-- Henry Kissinger
%
The United States Army;
The United States Army:
194 years of proud service,
unhampered by progress.
%
@@ -1479,9 +1479,9 @@ The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to
everybody and still nobody likes him.
-- Jim Samuels
%
"The voters have spoken, the bastards ..."
The voters have spoken, the bastards...
%
"The whole world is about three drinks behind."
The whole world is about three drinks behind.
-- Humphrey Bogart
%
The word "spine" is, of course, an anagram of "penis". This is true in
@@ -1524,7 +1524,7 @@ oppressive. They are revolutions against feudalism. [1952]
%
There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.
%
"There is a God, but He drinks"
There is a God, but He drinks.
-- Blore
%
There once was a couple named Kelley,
@@ -1533,7 +1533,7 @@ Who lived their life belly to belly.
They used Library Paste,
Instead of Petroleum Jelly.
%
There once was a fiesty young terrier
There once was a feisty young terrier
Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
He'd yip and he'd yap,
Then leap up and snap;
@@ -1543,7 +1543,7 @@ There once was a freshman named Lin,
Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
A virgin named Joan
From a bible belt home,
Said "This won't be much of a sin."
Said, "This won't be much of a sin."
%
There once was a hacker named Ken
Who inherited truckloads of Yen
@@ -1660,13 +1660,13 @@ Who said she thought fucking a bliss,
There was a young lady of Norway
Who hung by her toes in a doorway.
She said to her beau
"Just look at me Joe
"Just look at me, Joe,
I think I've discovered one more way."
%
There was a young man from Bel-Aire
There was a young man from Bel-Air
Who was screwing his girl on the stair,
But the banister broke
So he doubled his stroke
But the banister broke,
So he doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in mid-air.
%
There was a young man named Crockett
@@ -1687,7 +1687,7 @@ Who wanted to bugger the swans.
Said, "Pray take my daughter!
Those birds are reserved for the dons."
%
There was a young whore from kaloo
There was a young whore from Kaloo
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,
@@ -1701,7 +1701,7 @@ Whose prick was remarkably short.
%
There was an old pirate named Bates
Who was learning to rhumba on skates.
He fell on his cutlass
He fell on his cutlass,
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.
%
@@ -1771,8 +1771,8 @@ Thou shalt not omit adultery.
%
To a Real Woman, every ejaculation is premature.
%
"Tom Hayden is the kind of politician who gives opportunism a bad
name."
Tom Hayden is the kind of politician who gives opportunism a bad
name.
-- Gore Vidal
%
'Twas orgy, and the hip and mod And as in raffish thought he sprawled,
@@ -1807,8 +1807,8 @@ room, and turns to the younger brother. "What'll you have?"
"I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you can bet your ass
it ain't gonna be Cheerios."
%
"Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under Communism, it's just the
opposite."
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under Communism, it's just the
opposite.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
%
Uppers are no longer stylish, methedrine is almost as rare as pure acid
@@ -1826,13 +1826,12 @@ Virgin, n.:
%
War is menstruation envy.
%
"Water? Never touch the stuff! Fish fuck in it."
Water? Never touch the stuff! Fish fuck in it.
-- W. C. Fields
%
We call our dog Egypt, because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
%
"We don't have to protect the environment -- the Second Coming is at
hand."
We don't have to protect the environment -- the Second Coming is at hand.
-- James Watt
%
We have reason to believe that man first
@@ -1901,8 +1900,8 @@ When God created man, She was only testing.
When God created two sexes, he may have been overdoing it.
-- Charles Merrill Smith
%
"When I grow up, I want to be an honest lawyer so things like that
can't happen."
When I grow up, I want to be an honest lawyer so things like that
can't happen.
-- Richard Nixon as a boy (on the Teapot Dome scandal)
%
When it all boils down to the essence of truth one must live by a dog's
@@ -1920,9 +1919,9 @@ Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm,
But think nothing of that --
You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm."
%
"White House carpenters have reworked the master bedroom, remodeling it
White House carpenters have reworked the master bedroom, remodeling it
so that Ronnie can sleep with his head in the hall. That way, by the
time he wakes up, somebody will have already shined his hair."
time he wakes up, somebody will have already shined his hair.
%
Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than there are
horses?
@@ -1941,8 +1940,8 @@ Women's Libbers are OK. I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.
Would you mind terribly much if I asked you to take your silly-assed
problem down the hall?
%
"Yes, that was Richard Nixon. He used to be President. When he left
the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware."
Yes, that was Richard Nixon. He used to be President. When he left
the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware.
-- Woody Allen, "Sleeper"
%
You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the
@@ -1954,9 +1953,9 @@ handshake, followed by a remark designed to show you don't mind a bit,
such as "I see you are a (name of a minority group)! Good!"
-- Dave Barry, "The Stuff of Etiquette"
%
"You and I as individuals can, by borrowing, live beyond our means, but
You and I as individuals can, by borrowing, live beyond our means, but
only for a limited period of time. Why should we think that collectively,
as a nation, we are not bound by that same limitation?"
as a nation, we are not bound by that same limitation?
-- Ronald Reagan
%
You are at a business lunch when you are suddenly overcome with an
@@ -2012,8 +2011,8 @@ into your coffee. You:
(c) Show him who's in command; promptly take a leak in his "In"
basket.
%
"You have to regard everything I say with suspicion -- I may be trying
to bullshit you, or I may just be bullshitting you inadvertently."
You have to regard everything I say with suspicion -- I may be trying
to bullshit you, or I may just be bullshitting you inadvertently.
-- J. Wainwright, Mathematics 140b
%
... But among the children of the Great Society there were

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@@ -208,7 +208,7 @@ fetcheth
fiesty
findeth
flunkers
forsight
foresight
frat
freakout
fuck

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View File

@@ -250,7 +250,7 @@ Cripps
Croll
Croll's
Cuomo
Curchill
Churchill
Cuticle
Cyberiad
Cybernetic

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fortune/datfiles/limerick
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@@ -1,44 +0,0 @@
A computer called Illiac4
Had a rather tough bug in its core.
It chewed up its cards
And spewed yards and yards
Of illegible tape on the floor.
%
A computer, to print out a fact,
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
But this output can be
No more than debris,
If the input was short of exact.
-- Gigo
%
A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
Wished to foster an aura of menace;
To make people afraid
He wore gloves of grey suede
And white footgear intended for tennis.
-- Edward Gorey
%
A hacker who screwed a mag tape
Was caught and convicted of rape.
To jail he did go,
From which, to his woe
He couldn't get out with ESC.
%
A linguist thought it a farce
That memory space was so sparse.
One day they increased it.
Said he as he seized it:
"At last! Enough core for the parse".
%
A progressive professor named Winners
Held classes each evening for sinners.
They were graded and spaced
So the vile and debased
Would not be held back by beginners.
%
A very intelligent turtle
Found programming UNIX a hurdle
The system, you see,
Ran as slow as did he,
And that's not saying much for the turtle.
%

536
fortune/datfiles/netbsd
View File

@@ -1,536 +0,0 @@
____ __ _ ____ __ __ ___ ___ ___
___ / | / /__ _/ /_ / |/ __\ / _ |
__ / |/ // _\/_ _/ / ' / \_ \ / / /
_ / /| // __/ / /_ / , | __/ // / ,/
/_/ |__/_\__/__\__//___/__\__//___'
-- Greywolf
%
A _Real_ Operating System for _Real_ Hackers.
-- Greywolf
%
Anagrams for NetBSD core team:
Breasted cot men
Embraces dot net
Strobed teen cam
Aborted men sect
Emtomb DEC tears
-- Julian Assange
%
Anagrams for NetBSD core team:
Crested Boatmen
Resented Combat
Boast Decrement
Basement DEC rot
-- Julian Assange
%
Anagrams for NetBSD core team:
Strobe mased net
Strobe mased ten
Erect teen bonds
A boned cream test
Cremate no debts
-- Julian Assange
%
Anagrams for NetBSD-core:
Bent Coders
Secret Bond
Robs DECNet
Cost Bender
-- Julian Assange
%
Anagrams for NetBSD-core:
Cot Benders
Be stern, Doc.
Net robs DEC
DEC robs Net
-- Julian Assange
%
http://www.imrryr.org/NetBSD/logo
-- R. C. Dowdeswell
%
I didn't get where I am today without using NetBSD
-- Dave Tyson
%
My other computer runs NetBSD
-- Allen Briggs
%
NetBSD - a devil of an operating system.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - A Mycroft in every port.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - a server in every port.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - big, isn't it?
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - Bits for Tits.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - daemonic power
-- R. C. Dowdeswell
%
NetBSD: Flying into the heart of the Sun. And the i386, and alpha,
and mac, and powerpc, and...
-- Greywolf
%
NetBSD - free yourself from all Stallmanist thought!
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD: Got source?
%
NetBSD - hackers tested, mom approved
-- Ken Nakata
%
NetBSD - here today and in the middle of 2038 tomorrow.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - Mach 3 stealthOS, undetectable by media radar.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - more is more.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - more ports than a Norwegian crack whore.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - Multiple Architectures lead to Multiple Orgasms.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD: No Windows or Gates, but lots of doors, portals and tunnels.
-- Greywolf
%
NetBSD - penguin flesh never tasted so good.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - posix me harder.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD: Post No Bills.
-- Greywolf
%
NetBSD - safe ports in a storm.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - Scalability Does Matter.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - Serious Other, or Serious Operating system. Your choice.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - the Berkeley redemption.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - the cathedral versus the bizarre.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - the cure.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - the devil finds work for idle cycles.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - the devil made me do it.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - the devil's advocate.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - the devil's not just in vaudeville.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - the power to suave.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - the power to swerve (penguins, worse than cane toads).
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - the semen in the money shot.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD: The Source is out there.
-- Greywolf
%
NetBSD - we have nothing to decare but our benchmarks.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - we put the Net in NetBSD.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - We put the OS in OrgaSm.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - We're not in canvas anymore, toto
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - we're on a mission from Hell.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - where do you want to go Tuesday?
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD - your basement or mine?
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD: A drinking group with a serious computing problem.
%
NetBSD: Agnostics in the Platform Religious Wars.
-- Erik E. Fair
%
NetBSD: An Operating System For Everyone
-- Mike Latinovich
%
NetBSD: Are you old enough to run it?
-- Tom Harvey
%
NetBSD: better for your uptime than Viagra.
-- Daniel Carosone
%
NetBSD: Beyond Windows
-- Johan Ihren
%
NetBSD: CD-ROMs? We don't need no stinkin' CD-ROMs!
-- Tom Harvey
%
NetBSD: Choose Your Own Slogan
-- Dirk Myers
%
NetBSD: Compatible with the Real World.
-- Greywolf
%
NetBSD: Dave Barry is working on our motto
-- Tom Harvey
%
NetBSD: demonic power.
-- R. C. Dowdeswell
%
NetBSD: Designed to be {secure, reliable, portable, CORRECT}
-- Matthew Orgass
%
NetBSD: Download one, get ${NUMPORTS}-1 for free.
-- Antti Kantee
%
NetBSD: Everyone else is doin' it. But we're doin' it right.
-- Herb Peyerl
%
NetBSD, Feed The Computer.
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: Flexible and free!
-- Lars-Johan Liman
%
NetBSD: For The Network Generation
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: Get Over It.
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: Groovy Baby!
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD home page: Ultra-heavy use of blink text, hot colours, and
Flash plug-ins. All shockwave, all the time. Background music
ought to be a mixture of Phillip Glass overlaid on top of
Sublime.
-- Mason Loring Bliss
%
NetBSD: I Wanna Be Sedated
-- Curt Sampson
%
NetBSD: If you look through Windows
-- Johan Ihren
%
NetBSD: If your server could choose, it would choose NetBSD
-- Tim Rightnour
%
NetBSD, In Stalls Anywhere
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD is full. Go away.
-- Chris Baird <cjb@brushtail.apana.org.au>
%
NetBSD is much like a tipi: No windows, no gates, and an apache inside.
%
NetBSD is PAR -- Powerful, Advanced, Reliable. Is your OS up to PAR?
-- Frank Warren
%
NetBSD is the bomb. (ok, bad idea)
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: It keeps on going...and going...and going...
-- Tom Harvey
%
NetBSD: It spanks the knickers off those other operating systems
-- Brian D Chase
%
NetBSD: it'll be there when you're ready for it
-- Greg Lehey
%
NetBSD: it's not free beer, but it's free
%
NetBSD: Its not Windows.
-- Paul Wain
%
NetBSD: It's...uh...well...have you heard of linux?
-- Tom Harvey
%
NetBSD: lets get it right
-- David Brownlee
%
NetBSD: Linux without the hype.
-- Hubert Feyrer
%
NetBSD logo: Kiss-painted (w/tongue) Beastie stabbing a pitchfork
through a bloodied and obviously-in-horrible-pain Tux.
-- Mason Loring Bliss
%
NetBSD long theme: "Eat a queer fetus for Jesus, and run NetBSD!"
-- Mason Loring Bliss
%
NetBSD: making all computer hardware a commodity.
-- Erik E. Fair
%
NetBSD: Making your net work, and its free to boot!
-- Steve Woodford
%
NetBSD: May the Source be with you
-- Greg Earle
%
NetBSD: Microsoft ask you where you want to go, NetBSD gets you there
-- David Brownlee
%
NetBSD, More Nines.
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: More Ports That A Cheap Whore
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: Multi-platform OS
%
NetBSD: My Computer Runs!
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: My Computer Works!
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD, Net Improvement.
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD, Net Profit.
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD, Net Some Nines.
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: Network Power Unleashed.
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: Network Your World.
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: Networking Space
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: No Sh;t!
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD, No Worries!
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: Not all of the First Ones have gone away.
-- Antti Kantee
%
NetBSD. Not Guano.
-- Hubert Feyrer
%
NetBSD: Not your mother's OS (unless you are P. Seebach)
-- Tom Harvey
%
NetBSD: Oh my god! They support my hardware! You hackers!
-- Antti Kantee
%
NetBSD: Perpetual performance!
-- Lars-Johan Liman
%
NetBSD: Power Your Net.
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: preferred by Rocket Scientists and Moms!
-- Steven J. Dovich
%
NetBSD: priapic OS
-- Perry Metzger
%
NetBSD: Professionalpower!
-- Lars-Johan Liman
%
NetBSD: "Progress on your system is closer than it appears."
%
NetBSD: Re: NetBSD Slogans
-- Mirian Crzig Lennox
%
NetBSD: Resistance is futile! You will be supported.
-- Peter Seebach
%
NetBSD: Resistance is NOT futile!
-- Hubert Feyrer
%
NetBSD: Rock solid!
-- Lars-Johan Liman
%
NetBSD: Servers' choice!
-- Lars-Johan Liman
%
NetBSD: serves you right.
-- Herb Peyerl
%
NetBSD short theme, for stickers and tattoos: NetBSD... Bitchin'!
-- Mason Loring Bliss
%
NetBSD, SIMMs Like Good Code
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: Someday, we won't burn your toast
-- Herb Peyerl
%
NetBSD: Stable and strong!
-- Lars-Johan Liman
%
NetBSD: Stop, Drop, and Load
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD, stupid.
-- Julian Assange
%
NetBSD, Tap The Power
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: The choice of hundreds worldwide
-- Tom Harvey
%
NetBSD: The Final Frontier
-- Chris Jones
%
NetBSD: The free OS with a money back guarantee!
-- Tim Rightnour
%
NetBSD: the free unix for the rest of us
-- Bob Nestor
%
NetBSD: The Last Bastion of the true UNIX Religion.
-- Miles Nordin
%
NetBSD: The OS WORM - Write Once, Run Many
-- Antti Kantee
%
NetBSD: The Power of Code
-- Mason Loring Bliss
%
NetBSD: The power to Connect
-- Feico Dillema
%
NetBSD: The power to serve, also
-- Tom Harvey
%
NetBSD: The power to serve, on the platform of your choice
-- John Darrow
%
NetBSD: the second best thing you can get for free
%
NetBSD: the server is up
-- David Brownlee
%
NetBSD: The Worlds Most Portable Operating System
%
NetBSD: To serve the power.
-- Herb Peyerl
%
NetBSD: true inheritors of the UNIX(tm) legacy.
-- Erik E. Fair
%
NetBSD: Twice the Bits-Clean of other Leading OSes
-- Tom Harvey
%
NetBSD: Two guys with a vax
-- Tom Harvey
%
NetBSD: u_long uptime;
-- Herb Peyerl
%
NetBSD: Unix With Balls.
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: unshackling hardware designers and users from the bondage
of WinTel.
-- Erik E. Fair
%
NetBSD: Use the ENTIRE computer!
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: userland included
-- Antti Kantee
%
NetBSD: We Come In Peace.
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: We do it right.
-- Perry Metzger
%
NetBSD: We don't negotiate with terrorists.
-- Miles Nordin
%
NetBSD: We put the "Net" in "BSD", and took out the "Free"
-- Tom Harvey
%
NetBSD: We Stay Up.
-- Andrew Gillham
%
NetBSD: We Suck Less
%
NetBSD: We're so committed to it being free, we won't sell it to you
even if you ask!
-- Charles M. Hannum
%
NetBSD: What do you want to serve today?
-- Hubert Feyrer
%
NetBSD: When Linux ports to that platform, they will discover -
WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE
-- David Maxwell
%
NetBSD: Where do you want to have the power to serve, tomorrow?
-- Tom Harvey
%
NetBSD: Who do you Serve? And who do you Trust?
-- David Maxwell
%
NetBSD: Write Once, Run Everywhere. Java optional.
-- Todd Whitesel
%
NetBSD: You can't handle it.
-- Paul Newhouse
%
NetBSD/sparc: less Lovelaces in your LX?
-- Jim Wise
%
Never mind the bollocks, here's NetBSD.
-- Julian Assange
%
Of course it runs NetBSD.
%
Portable. Supportable. NetBSD.
-- Jim Wise
%
Software is like sex - it should be free
-- Hubert Feyrer
%
We're BSD. If you want System V, you know where to get it.
-- Greywolf
%
Where would you have rather been today, tomorrow? NetBSD.
-- Allen Briggs
%
With many thanks to the core team and UCB CSRG.
-- Greywolf

2
fortune/datfiles/startrek
View File

@@ -688,7 +688,7 @@ sheer horror than the male of the species.
-- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold", stardate 3615.4
%
Women professionals do tend to over-compensate.
-- Dr. Elizabeth Dehaver, "Where No Man Has Gone Before",
-- Dr. Elizabeth Dehner, "Where No Man Has Gone Before",
stardate 1312.9.
%
Worlds are conquered, galaxies destroyed -- but a woman is always a